American version of the Pearly Gates

[Defiant]

This is a bad one, I know, but my mother sent it to me (she sends me a LOT of stupid jokes in e-mail) so I figured I would share it with everyone.

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When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?

[sg_shane]

Sure wish I could get those 20 seconds back...

[Newton]

Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and the Queen Mum arrive at the Pearly gates. St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.

Freddie says, "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a happier place to be."

"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?" Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I will completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherub to the choirboys.

As you well know, Pete, if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a happier place."

"Not bad," says St Peter. "What about you Queen Mum?"

The Queen Mum does not say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, shoots a full bottle of water into her vagina and lets it gush all over the floor.

"Excellent! You're in!" says St Peter.

"Hold on a minute!" says Freddie. "She didn't even say anything!"

"Fred, you know the rules," says St Peter. "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens."

[WickedTemptress]

Originally Posted by Defiant

This is a bad one, I know, but my mother sent it to me (she sends me a LOT of stupid jokes in e-mail) so I figured I would share it with everyone.

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When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?

Hello there Defiant! Good to see you around Hon