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CT was coming home Thursday and staying through Sunday. We had lots of stuff planned and I was even going to finally clean the basement bathroom after letting it sit for months Due to Ivan they have to go to school for 6 days for the next 2 weeks.
No "Oh, I'm so sorry" crap - I need jokes and funny stories.
It won't make up for him not visiting, but I need to laugh some
I always though Asians were hung well because in all the old paintings and drawings they are huge. I was told by friends that is NOT the case. I will, however, need proof from you and Greg
Originally posted by Peaches@Sep 20 2004, 12:34 PM
OK, that actually DID make me laugh
I always though Asians were hung well because in all the old paintings and drawings they are huge. I was told by friends that is NOT the case. I will, however, need proof from you and Greg
If I break 6 inches, it's a good day. Actually with Viagra, I look like I'm hung like a porn star.
Asians across the world are buying up V.
Don't compare me to Greg. Everyone knows skinny asians are hung like mules.
3 vampires walk into a bar
first one says "bartender, gimme a cup of blood"
second one says "bartender, gimme a cup of blood"
third one says "bartender, gimme a cup of hot water"
the bartender looks at him funny and says " why a cup of hot water"
the vampire pulls out a used tampon "tea time"
Why do cannibals hate clowns?
Because they taste funny
Psssss you can do like I do and shave (and trim) the hair so it looks bigger!!!!!
Works for me
Hi-jacking Peaches thread for a minute
Colin- "Rescue Me" is Dennis Leary's show Wednesday nights at 10 on FX, it the lives and goings on of a fire house
But it is so much more than that and one of the ONLY things besides Football I watch
I give it
warning the show may lead you to drink during it (always seems to happen to me)
__________________
Pssst Click the Button Above
I once wanted to be a Gynecologist
But I couldn't find an opening
Originally posted by Vick@Sep 21 2004, 05:58 AM Psssss you can do like I do and shave (and trim) the hair so it looks bigger!!!!!
Works for me
Hi-jacking Peaches thread for a minute
Colin- "Rescue Me" is Dennis Leary's show Wednesday nights at 10 on FX, it the lives and goings on of a fire house
But it is so much more than that and one of the ONLY things besides Football I watch
I give it
warning the show may lead you to drink during it (always seems to happen to me)
Please, every guy witha small dick knows this one.
After calling lots of people and actually having three of them show up I'm going with the 6,500 dollar white dude in a fancy pickup truck to remove it and a few others on my property that were also damage or are leaning. They will be here first thing Saturday morning and expect the job to take two to three days. Insurance says that they will reimburse me but I have a feeling this will be a long drawn out mess.
Originally posted by DrGuile@Sep 21 2004, 12:08 PM Electricity is about 80$/month for me and that covers heating, hot water, and everything else (including 4 computers, a "big" tv, stove, etc...).
This joke is a little long but it made me laugh....
While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically hit by a
truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in,"
"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up.
What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you
can choose where to spend eternity."
Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,"
"I'm sorry but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green
golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all
his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very
happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly
game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good
time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that,
before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty
farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter
is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good
time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter
returns.
"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity."
He reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it
before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off
in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The devil comes over to
him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne,
and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of
garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning ...
Today you voted."
President Bush was seated next to Little Tommy on a plane (Air Force 1 was
being repaired) when
he decided to have some fun with the boy. He turned to the boy and said,
"Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you
strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger. Little Tommy, who had just
turned on his game boy, laid it down slowly, and said to Bush,
"What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't
know," he replied. "How about
the Middle East situation and its impact on the American economy?",
he said with a smirk.
"Well, ... OK," said Tommy. "I guess that could be an
interesting topic. But, let me ask you a question first. A horse, a
cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer drops little
pellets, a cow leaves a flat patty, and a horse leaves clumps of dried
grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the President. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Tommy, "How is it that you feel
qualified to
discuss the Middle East situation and its impact on the American economy
when you don't know shit?"
09-20-2004
Due to Ivan they have to go to school for 6 days for the next 2 weeks.
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