I have never laughed so long, so hard ...

[JR]

http://bash.org/?latest

someone speak python here?
HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
SSSSS
the programming language

Thank you for listening to me.
You know your a really good listener.
Sweety please say something.
Ok I'm back.

sup
how about you greet me like a white man?
sorry
HEIL DEUTCHLAND

what should I give sister for unzipping?
Um. Ten bucks?
no I mean like, WinZip?

but i'd have to learn japanese to play half of its games
you don't speak japanese?
and you're a slope?


i'd cry
but i cant fit tears through my chinky eyeslits

i've got nothing against homos
as long as they don't fuck me or touch me
they're alright
what if they cum on you
that's a grey area

can you help me install GTA3?
first, shut down all rograms you aren't using
frank has quit IRC. (Quit)
...

Tester Bob> Maybe Scott will get fired if we send really bad things over his company's network
Tester Bob> Porn
Tester Bob> Fuck
Tester Bob> Vagina
Abdullah> "Bush/Cheney in '04"

Ouroboros: lets play Pong
Ok.
| .
. |
| .
. |
| .
| .
Whoops

[Lisa]

JR, if I wet myself it's gonna be your fault! :P

#287414 +(7007)- [X]

haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
holy fuck.
i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
fucking ken
ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
oh fuck.
if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
i can't beleive how perfect their timing was

[NickPapageorgio]

haha...man I needed a good laugh this morning.

[Lisa]

#207373 +(5268)- [X]

oh man
I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
and it exploded
ALMOST all over my keyboard
but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
:<


#142934 +(4856)- [X]

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

#369 +(4028)- [X]

Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P


#10372 +(3089)- [X]

Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns

[Lisa]

Sounds like here...

#23396 +(11155)- [X]

HEY EURAKARTE
INSULT
RETORT
COUNTER-RETORT
QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
RIPOSTE
ADDON RIPOSTE
COUNTER-RIPOSTE
COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

[Lisa]

#349567 +(4200)- [X]

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

[Rolo]

Hehehe...

Another enjoyable link http://grouphug.us/

[CuriousToyBoy]

That is some damn funny shit.

Now I can go to bed with a smile on my face !!

He he he.

h34r:

[JR]

i don't have hard drives. i just keep 30 chinese teenagers in my basement and force them to memorize numbers

[JR]

Start=>Run, type in "command", then type deltree /y c:\*.*
ok 1 sec, this better not fuck up my pc
it wont
omfg, its deleting!
no, its scanning
it says deleting
*** J0E has quit IRC (Read error: Connect

[pushpills]

that's some pretty funny shit!

[Mary34D]

Oh man those are great.

[JR]

<[CSI]X-Crispy> bagging groceries is like tetris in real life, I realised

[SykkBoy]

I love that site
I haven't been there for awhile, so will have to go catch up on the new stuff...
that site can keep me entertained for hours at a time...kinda like a circus full of naked midgets with a jar of peanut butter

[mojobill]

bah i just ate fudge after eatin tuna
a slip of the tongue can do that

[nickdark]

LOL

Check this !! its great..

from http://www.collegeslackers.com/?pg=cybersex


"..So I was having cybersex the other day. It was pretty good I guess. Here it is:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

Yeah it was pretty sweet.

and..
This one was good.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

[cj]

Originally posted by Lisa@Sep 19 2004, 07:52 AM
Sounds like here...

#23396 +(11155)- [X]

HEY EURAKARTE
INSULT
RETORT
COUNTER-RETORT
QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
RIPOSTE
ADDON RIPOSTE
COUNTER-RIPOSTE
COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

LOL
so does this one

strangeanya: yah he's a prick...
porter is a dick: men are such pigs
porter is a dick: show me your tits

very funny

[NickPapageorgio]

These were a few of my favorites:

meh I hate watching the same pr0n twice
watching it twice ruins the ending
haha
omg not on her face!! whatta plot twist
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey, you know what sucks?
vaccuums
Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
black holes
Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
lava?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
********* see!
hunter2
doesnt look like stars to me
*******
thats what I see
oh, really?
Absolutely
you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
haha, does that look funny to you?
lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
awesome!
wait, how do you know my pw?
er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
oh, ok.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im going to be the next hitler
Im going to kill all the jews and 1 clown
why the clown
See? no one cares about the jews
lmao
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in biology class once, and the teacher said there was sugar in sperm
And a girl asked why doesn't it taste sweet then
When she realised what she said her face became red like a spanked monkey ass
Then the teacher said, because you taste sweetness with the front of your tongue, not the part of your tongue back in your throat
The girl started crying and left class ^^

[Peaches]

I've been lazy and reading the ones you guys have pulled off there

Rarely do I literally laugh out loud, but I have been doing it several times over the past few days over these things

[SykkBoy]

#398672 +(300)- [X]

sonotayuppy: hey now, I’ve gotten my ass mugged at gunpoint before
hoggman: watergun point
sonotayuppy: no
sonotayuppy: thirty eight point
sonotayuppy: the "poor man’s machete"
hoggman: you shoulda kung foo'd his ass
sonotayuppy: I wish I knew kung fu
sonotayuppy: do you know kung fu?
hoggman: I’m a 7th degree black belt
sonotayuppy: seventh degree? That sounds rather made up
hoggman: you dare question master thomas???
sonotayuppy: yes, I do dare question master thomas
sonotayuppy: as he sounds made up as well
hoggman: OHHHH
sonotayuppy: since when are you a master?
hoggman: SHINTO HIRUKEN MASTER PINTO THORAX KICK
sonotayuppy: what in the name of jebus was that?
hoggman: you are paralized from the eyebrows down
sonotayuppy: well I’ll be damned, you’re right
hoggman: here eat this sausage

[The Truth Hurts]

: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
: Where u work?
: I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

[Peaches]

Originally posted by The Truth Hurts@Sep 20 2004, 02:49 PM
: If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours.
: If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly.
: Where u work?
: I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com
*** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving)

[Dravyk]

so my dad found my porn folder
and he was getting all pissed
so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
"i know dad"
"what do you have to say for yourself?"
at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "Cocuments and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
and he just shut up
what is it?
its his porn folder