Being a good democrat

[Mike AI]

HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

Virtually anyone can be a Democrat. But if you want to be a GOOD Democrat, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare the reasons below and see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment for the guilty, but support abortion on demand for the innocent.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppre ssion and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good when it destroys certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, Abraham Lincoln, or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House (from '93 through 2000)!

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. Vote for Ralph Nader!

[PornoDoggy]

How to be a good Republican ...

1. Co-Opt God into absolutely everything you say and do. If people believe that God is on your side, then more likely they will support you. Also stress that Democrats do not believe in God, and if elected, they will try to ban God all together. Always remember to use God's name often. Example of how to deliver bad news to your constituents: "This legislation that cut millions of dollars from [insert social program here] was God's will!!" -- Smile often and make a "possessed" body movement so people will think that God is speaking through you, reaffirming the impression that you, and only your party, can do God's will.

2. Always stick to the "official" story. Independent statements and thoughts are what get people into trouble. If you don't know the official story, check with Newsmax, FOX, or the Washington Times for updates. Don't run your yap!! The truth may get out and we don't want to have to start explaining things!

3. George W. Bush has been and will be, America's ONLY president. Tell everyone you meet, and speak it as if it were told to you by God himself. If people start getting around to thinking that there could be a president other than George W. Bush . . . Well let's not think about that. Also remember to remind people that EVERYONE got to vote in Florida during the 2000 presidential election, and all of that stuff about Katherine Harris was made up by the liberal media. (See Below)

4. All media is liberal lies! Especially the New York Times, the Washington Post, and NBC. The only REAL news comes from FOX. Remember to pepper your comments with statements like, "Katie Couric wants everyone to wear a Mao Jacket!" or "Dan Rather is an atheist!" -- These are statements that cannot be proved or disproved; therefore no one can ever accuse you of lying. If you say them often, proudly, and as if God told you himself, people will believe you.

5. Michael Moore is the anti-Christ. In fact, the reason he always wears a baseball cap is to hide the three sixes on his head. Remember to tell everyone that Bowling for Columbine is a work of complete fiction and only won the Academy Award for Best Documentary because of the liberals in Hollywood. Also remember to remind people that Hillary Clinton is in cahoots with Michael Moore to make America a socialist country, and to take away your guns.

6. Hillary Clinton wants to take away your guns. Remind everyone that Bill and Hillary Clinton hate democracy, hate America, and hate your guns. That should be enough to convince whomever you are talking to that the Clintons really suck, and if you ever want to have a gun on you, whenever that mugging you are so worried about actually occurs, you had better hate the Clintons, too.

7. Clintons Part Two -- All Bill Clinton ever did was have sex, sex, and more sex. While it is partly true, don't let anyone try and slide things like "Balanced Budget" or "Eight years of peace and prosperity" by you. Tell people that it was the Republicans that kept terrorists in check by spending millions of dollars investigating sex, sex, and more sex.

8. Ann Coulter looks like the Virgin Mary. (Yes it is out there, but a few real dummies will buy it, and will start to look at Ann and imagine her as a brunette, and a few might actually believe you!). In fact, if you have a real sucker, tell them Ann Coulter IS the Virgin Mary!

9. September 11, 2001 was the fault of [insert Axis of Evil member state here]. Never concede that there is no evidence of a Saddam Hussein / Al-Qaeda connection, stick with the official story; (see number 2). Remind people that [insert enemy of the week here], hates America and wants to take your S.U.V. away from you. This works especially good on soccer moms and NASCAR dads.

10. Iraq is not a quagmire. If anyone tells you that Iraq is a quagmire, remind them of September 11, 2001 and the three thousand lives that were lost. If they resist and bring up evidence that Bush ignored the threats about terrorists using commercial jets to attack America, remind them of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. NEVER, and we repeat, NEVER discuss, W.M.D.'s, The State of The Union, Landing on the Aircraft Carrier USS Abraham Lincoln and declaring an end to major combat operations in Iraq, Afghanistan, Oil, Halliburton, Enron and Ken Lay, Tax Cuts for the Wealthy, France, Russia, or Germany, The U.N., Valerie Plame, Record deficits, No Child Left Behind, Homeland Security, or The Boston Red Sox. Stick to Bill's sex life and you can't go wrong. Also, don't forget to tell them that God told you this himself.





Last edited by PornoDoggy at Apr 12 2004, 01:45 PM

[PornoDoggy]

25 Rules For Being A Good Republican

1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for "recovery."

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

3) You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social Security checks on time.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's private lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having sex with the "wrong" gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ACLU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50 million dollars to attack Clinton because no other U.S. presidents have ever been unfaithful to their wives.

12) You have to believe that group sex is a degenerate sin that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the NRA is good because they defend the Constitution.

15) You have to believe that government medicare is wrong and that HMOs and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will go away.

17) You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is just good reading.

18) You have to believe that atheism is a religion but that creationism is just good science.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

20) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.

21) You believe that the public has "a right to know" about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to know what the government is doing but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiate he will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that Aid to Mothers with Dependent children is wasteful, but giving tax breaks to companies moving American jobs overseas is just what government is for.

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.

[JR]

How to be a good Libertarian

1) You both suck.

[Mike AI]

Cannot construct a list of top 25 reasons Libertatians suck because they never get more then 2% of the vote! But I am sure they suck too!

[SykkBoy]

I guess there is only one to vote now
http://www.cpusa.org/

;-)))))))))

[PornoDoggy]

Originally posted by SykkBoy@Apr 12 2004, 02:42 PM
I guess there is only one to vote now
http://www.cpusa.org/

;-)))))))))

I don't know if it's still true, but at one time there were more FBI informants in the CPUSA than there were actual party members.

[SykkBoy]

Originally posted by PornoDoggy+Apr 12 2004, 02:56 PM-->