quick joke

dantheman · 10-30-2003

A man had tickets for the Alabama-Auburn football game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says, the seat is empty. "This is incredible ," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Alabama- Auburn game and not use it?" He says " Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Alabama-Auburn game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1957." " Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That' terrible But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative to take the seat.?"
The man shakes his head. " No. They're all at the funeral.

ROLL TIDE

Trev · 10-30-2003

Hahahahahah

A true sports fan

Bex · 10-30-2003

Nice! An oldie, but a goodie.

SweetT · 10-30-2003

In memory of the great Lewis Grizzard..... (sorry Dan...had to do it

An Alabama fan walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet , stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river. A few moments later an Auburn fan walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river. A few miles down river the Alabama fan and the Auburn fan catch up to one another and the Auburn fan says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Alabama fan replies,"They didn't last year."

--T

SweetT · 10-30-2003

Another Lewis Grizzrd favorite (before Dan kicks my Ass

The Year: 1984
Auburn vs Alabama Game
Fourth Quarter
1 second on the clock
Auburn is trailing by 3
Auburns ball on Alabamas One Yard Line

In recent games Coach Dye has been accused of being too conservative and too aggressive simultaneously. He has NO IDEA what to do! He can kick the 3 point Field Goal and head to overtime or go for the TD to win the game.

He paces...
He frets...
He finally decides that he should take it to the Lord in prayer. So he steps away from the sideline and asks the Lord "What should I do?". A moment of silence is followed with a voice that only Dye hears: "Give it to Bo Jackson around the right side for the TD"

Excitedly he runs back to the sideline and calls the play in.....

Its the snap....QB toss to Bo Jackson who heads around the right side and into a swarm of Red Alabama Jerseys and is tackled on the 1.....Auburn loses.

Coach Dye can't believe it....he is floored....he is sad....he is PISSED!

He asks the Lord "Why did you tell me to run Jackson around the right side, Lord???". After a moment of silence the Lord replies "I don't know, Bear, why did we tell him that???"

--T

Last edited by SweetT at Oct 30 2003, 04:38 PM

gonzo · 10-30-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by SweetT@Oct 30 2003, 04:23 PM
In memory of the great Lewis Grizzard..... (sorry Dan...had to do it

An Alabama fan walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet , stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river. A few moments later an Auburn fan walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river. A few miles down river the Alabama fan and the Auburn fan catch up to one another and the Auburn fan says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Alabama fan replies,"They didn't last year."

--T

The Great Grizzard....a moment of silence.

Peaches · 10-30-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by gonzo@Oct 30 2003, 05:47 PM
The Great Grizzard....a moment of silence.

dantheman · 10-30-2003

haha, gizzard was one of my favs for sure, I have the book
You Can't Put No Boogie-Woogie on the King of Rock and Roll here on my desk now

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard

SweetT · 10-30-2003

My two favorite Grizzard Books.....

"Elvis Is Dead, & I Don't Feel So Good Myself"

"Don't Bend over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes"

Don't get me wrong, I like Foxworthy and the rest of the "Johnnie Come Lately's" but Grizzard and Clower are the two ORIGINAL Souther Humorists.

--T

SweetT · 10-30-2003

OK...Im starting to get a little teary-eyed here.....one last Grizzard favorite of mine....

The Georgia vs Alabama game was being played "tween the hedges" (for those of you that do not know, Sanford Stadium at the University of Georgia has hedges that line both sides of the field and teams playing there are said to be playing "tween the hedges").

A man from Alabama walks into a store, walks up to the counter and says "I'd like to have an RC Cola and a Moon Pie."

The storekeeper say "You must be from Alabama!"

This pisses off the man from Alabama. "How dare you stereotype me just
because I ordered an RC and a Moon Pie? Do you think ever man who comes in here and orders a Polish Sausage is Polish?"

The storekeeper says "Well, sir, I don't know. It's never come up.."

This makes the man from Alabama even more mad. "If a person comes in here and orders Kosher Pork, do you automatically think he's a Jew?"

Again the storekeeper says "Well, sir, I don't know. It's never come up."

The man from Alabama is still steaming. "Then how can *you* stereotype *me* when I order a Moon Pie and an RC????"

The storekeeper looks him straight in the eyes and says "Because, sir, this
is a Hardware Store!"

--T

Peaches · 10-30-2003

I'm wracking my brain here - what the heck was his black lab's name??!! :angry: It's right on the tip of my tongue and I'm going to slap myself in the head when I get the answer....Geeze, I hate old age.

Peaches · 10-30-2003

CATFISH - I knew I'd remember it eventually. One of my favorite all time Lukovich cartoons was Catfish welcoming Grizzard at the Pearly Gates.

SweetT · 10-30-2003

Quote:

Originally posted by Peaches@Oct 30 2003, 05:40 PM
CATFISH - I knew I'd remember it eventually. One of my favorite all time Lukovich cartoons was Catfish welcoming Grizzard at the Pearly Gates.

--T

Torone · 10-31-2003

No one who liked Grizzard could be all bad...

10-30-2003	#1
dantheman Members Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 1,878	A man had tickets for the Alabama-Auburn football game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says, the seat is empty. "This is incredible ," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Alabama- Auburn game and not use it?" He says " Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Alabama-Auburn game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1957." " Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That' terrible But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative to take the seat.?" The man shakes his head. " No. They're all at the funeral. ROLL TIDE __________________ "Never argue with an idiot....he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

10-30-2003	#2
Trev Cunty Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 10,150	Hahahahahah A true sports fan __________________ Sucks to be you.

10-30-2003	#3
Bex Members Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 166	Nice! An oldie, but a goodie. __________________

10-30-2003	#4
SweetT Members Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 236	In memory of the great Lewis Grizzard..... (sorry Dan...had to do it An Alabama fan walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet , stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river. A few moments later an Auburn fan walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river. A few miles down river the Alabama fan and the Auburn fan catch up to one another and the Auburn fan says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Alabama fan replies,"They didn't last year." --T __________________

10-30-2003	#5
SweetT Members Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 236	Another Lewis Grizzrd favorite (before Dan kicks my Ass The Year: 1984 Auburn vs Alabama Game Fourth Quarter 1 second on the clock Auburn is trailing by 3 Auburns ball on Alabamas One Yard Line In recent games Coach Dye has been accused of being too conservative and too aggressive simultaneously. He has NO IDEA what to do! He can kick the 3 point Field Goal and head to overtime or go for the TD to win the game. He paces... He frets... He finally decides that he should take it to the Lord in prayer. So he steps away from the sideline and asks the Lord "What should I do?". A moment of silence is followed with a voice that only Dye hears: "Give it to Bo Jackson around the right side for the TD" Excitedly he runs back to the sideline and calls the play in..... Its the snap....QB toss to Bo Jackson who heads around the right side and into a swarm of Red Alabama Jerseys and is tackled on the 1.....Auburn loses. Coach Dye can't believe it....he is floored....he is sad....he is PISSED! He asks the Lord "Why did you tell me to run Jackson around the right side, Lord???". After a moment of silence the Lord replies "I don't know, Bear, why did we tell him that???" --T Last edited by SweetT at Oct 30 2003, 04:38 PM __________________

10-30-2003	#11
Peaches Members Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hills of N. GA Posts: 10,823	I'm wracking my brain here - what the heck was his black lab's name??!! :angry: It's right on the tip of my tongue and I'm going to slap myself in the head when I get the answer....Geeze, I hate old age. __________________ Peaches@onlinebeach.com ICQ# 36734533

10-31-2003	#14
Torone Members Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 1,137	No one who liked Grizzard could be all bad... __________________ Why me? Why always me?