Near Death Experience on Return Flight

[Hell Puppy]

GonZo and myself were on the same flight coming back from Memphis/Tunica. We're back safe and sound, but just barely.

Of all the ways to die on an airplane, I never thought of suffocation. Until now.

The flight was nowhere near full so we stayed in coach and each of us made a couch out of a row all to ourselves. Everything was going well, until about three quarters of the way thru the flight when this this this this.....smell....nearly knocked us out. We're talking the most horrendous fart I have ever smelled in my life. I cant imagine this smell ever being duplicated by man or beast.

So immediately, I look at GonZo as the likely culprit about 2 rows up.

He's sleeping, but wakes up and scrunches his nose and looks back accusingly at me. It's at that time I really am noticing the path of the stench wave. It was quite easy to follow as you see arms going up to turn on more air overhead accompanied by the occasional sound of dry heaving, coughing and gagging. Ground zero appeared to be a row occupied by two vietnamese ladies about midway between my row and GonZo's.

Once the light headedness and dizziness passed, GonZo and I again confirmed that it wasn't each other. Believe me, that was a hall of famer and either of us would've claimed that one proudly and used the mere threat of unleashing another one to insure no one ever farted in our presence again.

Then much like a world record attempt at a speed run, the followup bomb was unleashed as we were on final approach. No accident, the second run was more vile than the first. GonZo is now bitching loudly and saying something about toilet paper being on sale at Walgreens. I couldn't quite make it all out as I was busy trying to find the barfbag in the seat back pocket.

Same ground zero. I have no idea what these women ate, or what species of animal found it's way into their rectum to die. And believe me, I can appreciate a good well time fart. But in this case, I'm just glad they weren't in first, if that had drifted under the door into the cockpit, we might've crashed. As is, I'm thinking there should've be an air marshall on that flight, as I think it may be some new form of air terrorism.