Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

GonZo and myself were on the same flight coming back from Memphis/Tunica. We're back safe and sound, but just barely.

Of all the ways to die on an airplane, I never thought of suffocation. Until now.

The flight was nowhere near full so we stayed in coach and each of us made a couch out of a row all to ourselves. Everything was going well, until about three quarters of the way thru the flight when this this this this.....smell....nearly knocked us out. We're talking the most horrendous fart I have ever smelled in my life. I cant imagine this smell ever being duplicated by man or beast.

So immediately, I look at GonZo as the likely culprit about 2 rows up.

He's sleeping, but wakes up and scrunches his nose and looks back accusingly at me. It's at that time I really am noticing the path of the stench wave. It was quite easy to follow as you see arms going up to turn on more air overhead accompanied by the occasional sound of dry heaving, coughing and gagging. Ground zero appeared to be a row occupied by two vietnamese ladies about midway between my row and GonZo's.

Once the light headedness and dizziness passed, GonZo and I again confirmed that it wasn't each other. Believe me, that was a hall of famer and either of us would've claimed that one proudly and used the mere threat of unleashing another one to insure no one ever farted in our presence again.

Then much like a world record attempt at a speed run, the followup bomb was unleashed as we were on final approach. No accident, the second run was more vile than the first. GonZo is now bitching loudly and saying something about toilet paper being on sale at Walgreens. I couldn't quite make it all out as I was busy trying to find the barfbag in the seat back pocket.

Same ground zero. I have no idea what these women ate, or what species of animal found it's way into their rectum to die. And believe me, I can appreciate a good well time fart. But in this case, I'm just glad they weren't in first, if that had drifted under the door into the cockpit, we might've crashed. As is, I'm thinking there should've be an air marshall on that flight, as I think it may be some new form of air terrorism.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

That happened to me while we were making a documentary on the Gaspe in Quebec. It was literally minus 42. We were in a cheap motel and the air fucking turned blue. I looked at my sound dude and he was choked and then we both turned to the cute young girl who represented the client.....it was fucking her. We ran out into the minus 42 weather and froze our asses off. That was the worst fart of all time....a paint peeler. And she was so young and pretty.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

atleast your safe now buddy! your still lucky... jk! take care always buddy...

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

And this is why I drive fellas I can handle my own farts:okthumb: But man the last time I took the amtrack thank I get my own sleeper car when I travel by train this friggin old lady let out a smell older than her an she must have been friggin 100 herself:blink: I jus got my beers from the lounge an went back to my room

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

You have to be on gaurd in the casino too.... Monday night the guy in the corner turned one loose that ran me away from the table as I was scared I would make a counter launch.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

I call bullshit. If there were two Asian women between you and Gonzo you would have been hitting on them the entire flight. Unless, of course, they were over 20 ;)

I still think it was Gonzo. Pork+Buffet+Southern Boys=gas :okthumb:

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

I dont go for the walker crowd.
Only bullshit in this tread was left at the gate.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

Hey, I'm just pissed I didn't get to wear my new winter clothes in Alaska. But since it's showing even more rain where I was going than it did when I decided to cancel, I did the right thing by putting it off until there's SNOW there. Plus I'll see Miss Eve in San Fran in Feb :)

Edit - and I STILL think Gonzo at least CONTRIBUTED ;)

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

I love to fart on airplanes

Lets everyone around me enjoy my sweetness

=)

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

You needed a couch on a flight from Memphis to Atlanta?

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

Back in 2000 my son and I went to Hawaii (hard to believe since apparently until I was doing work for WEG I didn't own a business, but I digress....). We were on FF points and went from ATL, to Dallas, to Honolulu (where we stayed for a night) then to the Big Island. On the way back we did Big Island, Honolulu (2 nights this time), San Francisco (got a ticket for running a red light during the whole 4 hours we were there), Cinncinati, then ATL.

THE ONLY TIME WE WEREN'T SQUEEZED BETWEEN PEOPLE WAS THE SHORTEST FLIGHT - from Cinncy to ATL. We each had a row and after being awake for about 24 hours, we crashed.

"couches" on even short flights can be nice ;)

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

Yeah, after a very long flight and some layovers, but they just flew from Memphis to Atlanta. Barely time to order a drink and read a couple pages in a book before you're landing.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

A shout out of thanks to Hell Puppy, that was the funniest damn story I've read in a while :lmao1:

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

Yeah, between him and Typhoid Jay the Pai Gow dealer, we're again lucky to be alive.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

No yellow fever here, this had already turned sour....given the way asians age they could've been anywhere from 50 to 110 years old. Based on what came out of their ass, I'm guessing closer to the latter.

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

MSN reports.."Flatulence forces an emergency landing"

http://video.msn.com/v/us/v.htm?g=56...os&fg&GT1=8816

Re: Near Death Experience on Return Flight
 

It's an MD88.

Even after an hour in that seat, I'd need a chiropractor if i didn't have some extra space to spread out. Either that or no one gets past my seat using the aisle because i will have leaned out to have some place to put my shoulders.