Somebody pour me a large stiff drink

[Red]

My parents were arguing all through dinner and unless you've experienced a Jewish couple in their 70's going at each other, there is no describing it.
The closest I can come is the scene in Mel Brooks' High Anxiety when he and Madeline Kahn were trying to get past airport security disguising themselves as an old Jewish couple having an argument.

The conversation was about my dad learning the computer and it went a little this:

Mom: He doesn't know what he's talking about. He never listens to me.
Dad: I know what I know. Why do you think I can't do anything?
Me: Ma, leave him alone, I'll help him, he'll learn it.
Mom: He makes me crazy
Me: Dad, stop making her crazy, Ma, leave him alone.

And it went on from there. I need a drink and a joint.