This Week's New Rule

Dravyk · 10-10-2005

Bill Maher!

http://www.hbo.com/billmaher/new_rules/

New Rule: George Bush must meet some new people. You know, when Americans see their president giving every job to the same old cronies, they use words like "loyal to a fault" and "stubborn" and "close-minded," "lives in a bubble," "sock-puppet," "asshole." "Worst president ever." But they're missing the point. The problem isn't his political philosophy - "kill people and animals and take their gas" - the problem is he has to expand his circle of friends beyond his mom, Karen Hughes and the House of Saud. Which is why before George Bush makes another political appointment, he has to join Friendster.

This week, President Bush had to nominate a Supreme Court judge, and he picked the most qualified person within 30 feet of his office. Her qualifications: well, she is a lawyer and former commissioner of the Texas State Lottery. And she's seen every episode of "Judging Amy." Abortion, affirmative action, separation of church and state. Yeah, let's ask the lady who peddled scratch tickets to liquor stores.

Does he just go with the first person he sees? I wouldn't be surprised if Laura was his sister. Now, of course - I keep checking with him - of course, George Bush isn't the first politician to hand out graft gigs to his pals, but he doesn't seem to understand that that's what the bullshit jobs are for: ambassador to the Bahamas. The Recycling Czar. Head of the CIA. But George Bush puts stooges where they can do real damage: Director of FEMA? That guy from the horsie show is available. U.N. Ambassador? Dick Cheney knows a guy with a mustache and anger issues.

Supreme Court justice? Lady down the hall. Labor Secretary? The guy who helped me move that hooker's body at Yale could probably do it. You know - you know, Mr. President, when you got elected, we all figured you were no genius, but smart enough to hire qualified people. But it turns out you're just a dimwit who enjoys feeling superior. And the only way to accomplish that is to surround yourself with the likes of Mike Brown and Harriet Miers: Goober and Aunt Bea. Unspectacular souls who make you feel comfortable and unthreatened. Kind of like when Madonna used to hang out with Rosie O'Donnell.

Well, I hate to burst your bubble. But real friends are the ones who tell you the truth. They're also the ones who work hard so as not to embarrass you. These people who work for you aren't behaving like friends. They're behaving far worse. They're behaving...like family.

Yes, it's almost enough to make you miss the old pre-"honor and integrity" days. Because at least when Clinton talked about tapping the woman down the hall, he was just having sex with her.

MorganGrayson · 10-10-2005

That was priceless!

But it also bites the "funny" right in the ass...by being true.

SykkBoy · 10-10-2005

shit, I missed Bill maher this week...luckily it'll repeat on one of the 5 HBO channels in the next couple days

Red · 10-10-2005

I love Bill Maher. He is always so right on the money.

10-10-2005	#1
Dravyk Easy Like Sunday Morning Want to see your own Advertising Here! Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Behind a couch, somewhere in Philly Posts: 7,628	This Week's New Rule Bill Maher! http://www.hbo.com/billmaher/new_rules/ New Rule: George Bush must meet some new people. You know, when Americans see their president giving every job to the same old cronies, they use words like "loyal to a fault" and "stubborn" and "close-minded," "lives in a bubble," "sock-puppet," "asshole." "Worst president ever." But they're missing the point. The problem isn't his political philosophy - "kill people and animals and take their gas" - the problem is he has to expand his circle of friends beyond his mom, Karen Hughes and the House of Saud. Which is why before George Bush makes another political appointment, he has to join Friendster. This week, President Bush had to nominate a Supreme Court judge, and he picked the most qualified person within 30 feet of his office. Her qualifications: well, she is a lawyer and former commissioner of the Texas State Lottery. And she's seen every episode of "Judging Amy." Abortion, affirmative action, separation of church and state. Yeah, let's ask the lady who peddled scratch tickets to liquor stores. Does he just go with the first person he sees? I wouldn't be surprised if Laura was his sister. Now, of course - I keep checking with him - of course, George Bush isn't the first politician to hand out graft gigs to his pals, but he doesn't seem to understand that that's what the bullshit jobs are for: ambassador to the Bahamas. The Recycling Czar. Head of the CIA. But George Bush puts stooges where they can do real damage: Director of FEMA? That guy from the horsie show is available. U.N. Ambassador? Dick Cheney knows a guy with a mustache and anger issues. Supreme Court justice? Lady down the hall. Labor Secretary? The guy who helped me move that hooker's body at Yale could probably do it. You know - you know, Mr. President, when you got elected, we all figured you were no genius, but smart enough to hire qualified people. But it turns out you're just a dimwit who enjoys feeling superior. And the only way to accomplish that is to surround yourself with the likes of Mike Brown and Harriet Miers: Goober and Aunt Bea. Unspectacular souls who make you feel comfortable and unthreatened. Kind of like when Madonna used to hang out with Rosie O'Donnell. Well, I hate to burst your bubble. But real friends are the ones who tell you the truth. They're also the ones who work hard so as not to embarrass you. These people who work for you aren't behaving like friends. They're behaving far worse. They're behaving...like family. Yes, it's almost enough to make you miss the old pre-"honor and integrity" days. Because at least when Clinton talked about tapping the woman down the hall, he was just having sex with her. __________________ All Of 'Em Mainstream Webmasters New: WebmasterConventions.com

10-10-2005	#2
MorganGrayson None $100 for every ImLive sign-up Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 4,321	Re: This Week's New Rule That was priceless! But it also bites the "funny" right in the ass...by being true.

10-10-2005	#3
SykkBoy Polishing the Chrome on Bishops Motorcycle $100 for every ImLive sign-up Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Hell: Bowels : Level 9 Posts: 4,153	Re: This Week's New Rule shit, I missed Bill maher this week...luckily it'll repeat on one of the 5 HBO channels in the next couple days __________________ ADULT PAYMASTER - All Site Access - Paying $70 October 5th! "Love your enemies...just in case your friends turn out to be bastards." - unknown

10-10-2005	#4
Red Dreaming of a Cowboy Hat like Max Hardcore Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 1,812	Re: This Week's New Rule I love Bill Maher. He is always so right on the money. __________________