what would you like to hear on the day of your funeral?

[Winetalk.com]

3 men were asked what would they wanna hear on the day of their funeral at the curch service.

First:
I'd like to hear that I was a good man, religious man, family oriented man and lived my life like a Saint.

Second:
I'd like to hear that I was generous, good member and pillar of the community, loved by all and be remembered forever.

Third:
all I wanna hear is somebody shouting:
LOOK!!!! HE IS ALIVE!!!!!!

[Raven]

That's funny, Serge. When I saw the title, I was going to say...'if I can hear, then I'm not dead'.

How are you feeling?

[Winetalk.com]

Originally Posted by Raven

That's funny, Serge. When I saw the title, I was going to say...'if I can hear, then I'm not dead'.

How are you feeling?

Raven, thanks, I feel great enough to make "funeral home" jokes

[TheEnforcer]

Hahahaha.. good one Serge...

On a serious level I want to be creamated and have my ashes scattered on Lake Michigan while a bunch of bagpipes play Amazing Grace!!

[Dravyk]

Originally Posted by TheEnforcer

On a serious level I want to be creamated and have my ashes scattered on Lake Michigan while a bunch of bagpipes play Amazing Grace!!

Sure! Then you want to swim with the sharks!!!

Figures, ya wuss!

[Peaches]

Originally Posted by Dravyk

Sure! Then you want to swim with the sharks!!!

Figures, ya wuss!

I don't think there are any sharks in Lake Michigan

[Dravyk]

Originally Posted by Peaches

I don't think there are any sharks in Lake Michigan

Shhhh! TE doesn't know that for certain.

[Raven]

Good to hear, Serge!

Funeral jokes are always a good sign that you're going to be fine!

In all seriousness, if the law permitted, I'd like to remain NOT embalmed, wrapped in burlap and get planted in the back yard, along with a tree. Then, my ingredients will fertilise the tree and my life force will continue.....doesn't that sound all sweet and tree huggerish?

[Winetalk.com]

when I die, I want my penis to be cut off,
so when Brad Shaw hears the news and says:
"Serge can go and fuck himself",
he'll be wrong as usual

[WickedTemptress]

Originally Posted by Winetalk.com

when I die, I want my penis to be cut off,
so when Brad Shaw hears the news and says:
"Serge can go and fuck himself",
he'll be wrong as usual

[MorganGrayson]

Originally Posted by Raven

Good to hear, Serge!

Funeral jokes are always a good sign that you're going to be fine!

In all seriousness, if the law permitted, I'd like to remain NOT embalmed, wrapped in burlap and get planted in the back yard, along with a tree. Then, my ingredients will fertilise the tree and my life force will continue.....doesn't that sound all sweet and tree huggerish?

Your life force *will* continue, Raven, but that sounds like a fine thing to do with the box it was in for this incarnation.

[Jace]

Originally Posted by Raven

In all seriousness, if the law permitted, I'd like to remain NOT embalmed, wrapped in burlap and get planted in the back yard, along with a tree. Then, my ingredients will fertilise the tree and my life force will continue.....doesn't that sound all sweet and tree huggerish?

i will be doing the same thing, only after every single one of my organs that can be, is donated to someone that needs them

[DrGuile]

Originally Posted by Raven

Good to hear, Serge!

Funeral jokes are always a good sign that you're going to be fine!

In all seriousness, if the law permitted, I'd like to remain NOT embalmed, wrapped in burlap and get planted in the back yard, along with a tree. Then, my ingredients will fertilise the tree and my life force will continue.....doesn't that sound all sweet and tree huggerish?

Semi-funny story, my father in is younger days (he's 60) worked as a land surveyor. One day, he's working on the side (20 feet off) one of the biggest quebec highway, next to a fence. Behind the fence there's a bunch of trees and after that its only grass to the highway. There's a weeping willow just behind the fence. My father had heard that you could just plant a broken branch of weeping willow and that it would grow. So without much thinking aobut it he sticks a branch in the ground, on the grass side of the fence.

Well, for some reason, whoever was cutting the grass there decided not to chop the small willow, and to this day, some 30 years later, the mature weeping willow stands alone on his side of the fence.

I had thought it would be nice to bury my father under that tree, that he planted so long ago and that thrived against the odds. I cant go by that patch of highway without thinking of my father.




edit for spelling and being retarted

[Peaches]

I learned recently that the funeral really isn't for the one who died. I have always wanted to be cremated but I told my family to do whatever they wanted. I just hope they don't dress me in something that makes my ass look big!

On the day of my funeral I want to hear "Hi Mom!".

[sarettah]

Originally Posted by Peaches

I learned recently that the funeral really isn't for the one who died.

Buy for me the rain, my darling, buy for me the rain;
Buy for me the crystal pools that fall upon the plain.
And I’ll buy for you a rainbow and a million pots of gold.
Buy it for me now, babe, before I am too old.

Buy for me the sun, my darling, buy for me the sun;
Buy for me the light that falls when day has just begun.
And I’ll buy for you a shadow to protect you from the day.
Buy it for me now, babe, before I go away.

Buy for me the robin, darling, buy for me the wing;
Buy for me a sparrow, almost any flying thing.
And I’ll buy for you a tree, my love, where a robin’s nest may grow.
Buy it for me now, babe, the years all hurry so.

I cannot buy you happiness, I cannot buy you years;
I cannot buy you happiness, in place of all the tears.
But I can buy for you a gravestone, to lay behind your head.
Gravestones cheer the living, dear, they’re no use to the dead.

[sarettah]

As I have told my kids many times. When I die, just throw me in the back of the truck, drive around and find a spot where other folks have dumped their shit and just add me to the pile.

Then go home and get drunk

[MorganGrayson]

Originally Posted by Peaches

I learned recently that the funeral really isn't for the one who died. I have always wanted to be cremated but I told my family to do whatever they wanted. I just hope they don't dress me in something that makes my ass look big!

On the day of my funeral I want to hear "Hi Mom!".

Peaches...my husband and I had a wonderful discussion, where we decided that the first one to go would be cremated and the ashes kept until the other died and was cremated. We thought it would be wonderful if all three of our daughters got together and scattered the ashes, in a place we'd think about and decide upon.

That grand, romantic plan lasted until I told my youngest daughter about it. Oh, my, the facial expression. I had to back pedal FAST and say "then again, dear, you can do whatever you need to do, whatever you're happy with."

[Peaches]

Originally Posted by MorganGrayson

Peaches...my husband and I had a wonderful discussion, where we decided that the first one to go would be cremated and the ashes kept until the other died and was cremated. We thought it would be wonderful if all three of our daughters got together and scattered the ashes, in a place we'd think about and decide upon.

That grand, romantic plan lasted until I told my youngest daughter about it. Oh, my, the facial expression. I had to back pedal FAST and say "then again, dear, you can do whatever you need to do, whatever you're happy with."

Years ago I told my family I wanted to be cremated and 1/2 my ashes spread in the ocean and half in the mountains. My brother announced that he would take care it - he would flush me down the toilet and eventually I'd end up in both places. Yes, my whole family has a warped sense of humor

I have a girlfriend whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack in 2000, leaving her with HIS mother and father's ashes and now she has his also. He had a Bel Aire he loved which she kept and every Father's Day and his birthday, she takes him for a ride in it

[Bhelliom]

I don't know what I'd want to hear at my funeral...

But on my gravestone I want...


Last words
"I told you I was sick"

[grimm]

id like to hear "and we are also here to mourn the triplets that died with mr smith, in flagrante, dilecto"

[Nickatilynx]

Cheerful bunch today..

LOL

I'd like to hear: "he was a good man and a kind man , understanding , patient and generous though misunderstood until his autobiography was published in 3026ad"

But I'll take: "Ok , where's the will"
( Cause it means that someone turned up) LOL


And upon my gravestone I want "Beneath this sod , lies another"

[JoesHO]

I wanna hear those 70,0000 virgins I was promised , and Allah saying go ahead fuck em, you know you wanna, and barry white singing in the background. all the while those lovely siren virgins sing that song """ fuck me fuck me fuck me """

[Newton]

Cremated and sprinkled on the ocean .. my family getting up and saying, he was a happy cunt

[Newton]

yet

[justb]

LOL, funny joke.

My husband with his demented sense of humor has made me promise that if he dies first I will somehow fit the word "cocksucker" into his eulogy. He made me promise this way before Deadwood mainstreamed the word lol

[kmanrox]

hahah good one.... i didnt know this was going to be a joke thread, so i am prepared to give my answer regardless:

i'd like to hear that i was one of the sickest, most perverted bastards anyone's met, and by God did that man have a big wang!

thank you!

[Winetalk.com]

Kman,
if this is true (your wang) why don't you will it to the Smithonian!?