New Rules for Employment

[carol_ideal]

SICKNESS AND RELATED LEAVE:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, Relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''A'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:00 to 8:10, employees whose names begin with ''''''''''''''''B'''''''''''''''' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you''''''''''''''''re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees'''''''''''''''' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

PAYCHECK GUIDE:
The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees better understand their paychecks:

Item Amount Gross pay $1,222.02 Income tax $244.40 Outgo tax $45.21 State tax $11.61 Interstate tax $61.10 County tax $6.11 City tax $12.22 Rural tax $4.44 Back tax $1.11 Front tax $1.16 Side tax $1.61 Up tax $1.08 Down tax $1.14 Tic-Tacs $1.98 Thumbtacks $3.93 Carpet tacks $0.98 Stadium tax $0.69 Flat tax $8.32 Surtax $2.23 Ma''''''''''''''''am tax $1.23 Corporate tax $2.60 Parking fee $5.00 F.I.C.A. $81.88 T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95 Life insurance $5.85 Health insurance $16.23 Dental insurance $4.50 Mental insurance $4.33 Disability $2.50 Ability $0.25 Liability $3.41 Coffee $6.85 Coffee Cups $66.51 Floor rental $16.85 Chair rental $0.32 Desk rental $4.32 Union dues $5.85 Union don''''''''''''''''ts $3.77 Cash advance $0.69 Cash retreats $121.35 Overtime $1.26 Undertime $54.83 Eastern time $9.00 Central time $8.00 Mountain time $7.00 Pacific time $6.00 Time Out $12.21 Oxygen $10.02 Water $16.54 Heat $51.42 Cool air $26.83 Hot air $20.00 Miscellaneous $113.29 Various $8.01 Sundry $12.09 ------- Net Take Home Pay $0.02

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.


WHO IS IN FAVOR????

Sig: I got news for you pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit. And Jack left town

[gonzo]

I just pinged your host.... your response time is for shit. Do you have better bandwidth for your clients?

I hope your tech support pays more attention to detail than you do when youve spammed out board twice now. When we take your button out of your signature it doesnt mean to append a new one in the body of your lame assed old spam message.

Do you get paid by the post or did you type all that in on all the boards you cut and pasted it on this morning?

[Trev]

I've had dial-ups faster than your setup!

Most of your client base must be no-nothing GFY'ers and they may get all wet over the bells and whistles on your site, but not the people here!

At least get some entertaining spam next time! <_<

[sarettah]

Hmmm.... I thought that post sucked when liftnw8 posted it on ratedhot last week.

[TheEnforcer]

If people want a host they can check out our sponsors at http://www.EliteHosters.com Their ping times were quite good.

[Steady]

Originally posted by TheEnforcer@Apr 18 2005, 06:57 AM
If people want a host they can check out our sponsors at http://www.EliteHosters.com Their ping times were quite good.

That sounds great!!

[Red]

At least get some entertaining spam next time! dry.gif

entertaining and a little more current. That poster was in the office of the company I worked for back in '94.

[Trev]

Originally posted by Red@Apr 18 2005, 04:37 PM

entertaining and a little more current. That poster was in the office of the company I worked for back in '94.

So like their hosting it's dated and rank!

[PornoDoggy]

Originally posted by Red@Apr 18 2005, 10:37 AM

entertaining and a little more current. That poster was in the office of the company I worked for back in '94.

That one predates the internet ...

[Anthony]

Idealbandwidth, why does that sound familliar?

Are you affiliated with DeeCash? The program that is skinned GFY.

[JoesHO]

Whay country are you out of ? Romania?

[cj]

useless, waste of time keeping this thread.

and nice job giving a spammer free advertising

no need to sponsor oprano! Just spam us and we'll keep eyes on your product for days, even if you don't return!!!



bada bing!

[Newton]

You have to love evil dead 3 CJ?

[Raven]

Originally posted by TheEnforcer@Apr 18 2005, 06:57 AM
If people want a host they can check out our sponsors at http://www.EliteHosters.com Their ping times were quite good.

Good people. Give them a try...you'll see!

[JizBiz]

Originally posted by TheEnforcer@Apr 18 2005, 09:57 AM
If people want a host they can check out our sponsors at http://www.EliteHosters.com Their ping times were quite good.

Cant go wrong with www.elitehosters.com.

Tried and tested

[Nickatilynx]

You wanna spam Oprano?

Go for it.

But stick around because...

We want you to defend your product , not just drive by.

If you don't stay to keep defending it , we will alter yourv post and totally reveal your product for what it is.

Marketed by the board whore equivelent of crack whores

Come back and fight ya bastards..lol

[Newton]

Dont try to put sigs in your post either Listen to Oprano Radio ... SEE SIG

[Trev]

Originally posted by Newton@Apr 19 2005, 09:13 PM
Dont try to put sigs in your post either Listen to Oprano Radio ... SEE SIG

Hahaha


If it was any kind of quality product, which it's not they would have defended it rather than sneak back in and add ads in to their post!

[sarettah]

This pic of their tech support guy:



Looks like the guys working out of my living room

Of course, could be a stock photo of just any guy working out of my living room

[XXXPhoto]

Originally posted by sarettah@Apr 19 2005, 07:42 PM
This pic of their tech support guy:



Looks like the guys working out of my living room

Of course, could be a stock photo of just any guy working out of my living room

What an ugly haircut... Sale at Supercuts?