Programmer conversations

[sarettah]

Little snippets of actual discussions I have been involved in...........

client: So, when will the program be done ?
me: Define done.

client: It's a simple program, shouldn't be more than an hour.
me: So, why haven't you written it yet.

client: Ok, programming is 100 an hour, design work 125 an hour, data entry is 500 an hour ???? Why so high on data entry?
me: I don't like data entry.

me: Ok, so what does this interface look like?
client: I don't know.
two weeks and 30 hours worth of work later...
me: Ok, this is what I worked up, what do you think ?
client: That's not what it should look like, it should look like this (and pulls out a screen shot of a webpage they saw that they liked)

client: 500 hours ? Ok, Can you have it done by next week.

me: It will take about 1000 hours, so with one programmer on it it should be close to a year.
client: Hmm, that sounds high. Do we really have to have that documentation and training and the testing part ?

client: Can you install the internet on my computer for me ?
me: Sure, but I think you're gonna need a bigger disk.

me: Tell me a little about the project.
client: If I think it I want it to do it.
me: Ok, that will take me about 1000 years.

me: Ok, if you want to hold that much data we're gonna need a database system.
client: Why do I have to buy a database program ? Can't you do it in word ?

me: It should be about two weeks.
enlightened client: Define two weeks.