Advance copy of republican convention

[JoesHO]

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE
New York, NY


6:00 p.m. - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 p.m. - Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 p.m. - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6:45 p.m. - Salute to the "Coalition of the Willing"

6:46 p.m. - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"

7:30 p.m. - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7:35 p.m. - Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"

7:40 p.m. - EPA Address #1: "Mercury: It's What's for Dinner"

8:00 p.m. - Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 p.m. - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 p.m. - John Ashhahahahaha Lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"

8:30 p.m. - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Men Only)

8:50 p.m. - Seminar #2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"

9:00 p.m. - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 p.m. - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"

9:10 p.m. - EPA Address #2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"

9:30 p.m. - Break for secret meetings

10:00 p.m. - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 p.m. - Carl Rove Lecture: "Doublespeak Made Simple"

10:30 p.m. - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside"

10:35 p.m. - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 p.m. - John Ashhahahahaha Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt

10:45 p.m. - GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice

10:46 p.m. - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"

10:50 p.m. - Seminar #3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"

11:10 p.m. - Hilary Clinton Piñata

11:20 p.m. - John Ashhahahahaha Lecture: "Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult"

11:30 p.m. - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 p.m. - Blame Clinton

11:40 p.m. - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"

11:41 p.m. - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore

11:50 p.m. - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

Midnight - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord



P.S. Fuck Bush