Man vs. Squirrel no contest!~

[TheEnforcer]

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...=barone/050829

By Don Barone
Special to Page 2


It has come down to this. I'm currently the high bidder on eBay, for coyote urine.

Someone in Kansas outbid me on the red fox whiz.

Bobcat tinkle has no bids. I've got it bookmarked.

I've never seen a coyote in my life, but suddenly I'm desperately bidding $20.50 for 16 ounces of his No. 1. And it's even in "a convenient spray bottle."

Blame my wife, and Father's Day. Maybe Home Depot too, but I'm afraid that someday I might need an orange extension cord, so I'm leaving them out of this.

For Father's Day, my wife bought me a "Squirrel Proof" bird feeder and 25 pounds of something called "oiled sunflower seeds." It had a cardinal -- feathered, not St. Louis -- on the bag.

The squirrels have been having a free banquet in my backyard ever since.

It only took me two 25-pound bags of Home Depot bird seed to figure this out. How in the world were six-ounce birds eating three pounds of seed a day? And still flying?



Then I saw it. Perched on my state-of-the-art, just-for-birds feeder, a squirrel, casually eating away, knocking down some of the $10.99 seed to a couple of his friends on the ground.

Not being an "Animal Planet" kind of guy, I had no idea squirrels ate bird seed. I figured, if anything, they ate squirrel seeds. And some nuts.

Of course, I remember the nursery tales of squirrels storing nuts and seeds for winter -- I just had no idea they got their food from squirrel-proof bird feeders. Mother Goose left that part out.

So the battle began. Me against the squirrels. And like any guy on a me-vs.-them mission, I started out full-bore, giving it everything I had.

I dialed up Google.

Rodents got no chance when you have broadband.

Type in squirrels ... bird feeder .. problems ... wait .003 seconds. Up comes my answer, with 307,812 hits.

Squirrels it seems, don't need broadband.

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4 page article. Absolutely hilarious!!