05-12-2006
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#1
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 4,392
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The annoyances of being the largest porn agency in the world
My buddy Jim South Jr. posted this to his blog, luke copied and pasted it, so I thought I would follow in his footsteps
it is pretty funny though
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Jim South Jr.
1. Women whose stomachs are so stretch marked, it looks like they jumped on a grenade. Look I know it's unavoidable sometimes, but that doesn't mean you can model nude. If your friends are saying it's hardly noticeable, they are not your friends! All you are going to do is waste your time. If we send your pictures out I get bitched at by directors and companies. Weather the pix go out or not, you call me pissed you are not getting work. After enough calls I will tell you what the problem is. You get your feelings hurt, we have been bitched at by both parties, and everyone's time is wasted.
2. I purposely have my desk at the back, with my back to the wall. I like to see what's going on and not have to worry about people behind me (call it paranoia). I can't stand it when people come in, don't even say hey, and just look at my monitor while I work with their arms crossed. That's just rude.
3. Guys that hang out up here and ask me to pull up a picture of every fucking girl that calls in. RENT A VIDEO!
4. Guys that will sit down by me while I'm typing away and constantly ask questions just for the sake of asking. Sometimes they don't even know what they want to ask. They will say "Hey" and I will stop typing and look at them. Sometimes I sit there for 10 seconds while they think of something like "What did you have for lunch today?" jesus! ask me what I did last weekend or something. If I can remember, I will tell you!
5. Talent that is booked, confirmed 3 times, and has told the director they are on the freeway to the shoot the day of... THEN THEY DON'T SHOW UP! and of course turn their phone off.
6. Women in this biz that think they are God's Gift to anyone. I don't care how hot or smokin you are. If you are a bitch you are ugly to me. Get over yourself! Chances are someone next year will be in the biz and have the same first or last name as you.
7. People that call up here several times and say "You speak Spanish?" It use to be once every month. Now several times each week. When I say no, they just sit there saying "ahhh, um, ahhh" then say something in spanish. We are not in Mexico!
8. Clients that we will send a new hot girl to and then they refer them to another agent, or tell them THEY can get her lots of work, OR (and my personal fav) usually with the owner of a company who's in lust tells the woman she really shouldn't be doing porn. She should get out of it and work in THEIR office. WTF! We do our job, just do yours and stop trying to be the knight on the white horse.
9. Clients that owe us money and have the balls to constantly bitch at us when we don't send them a girl first, or to a competitor, or someone they just don't like.
10. People that call in (ad calls for wanting be a model) and repeat EVERY question to you.
Jim South Jr "Would like to make an appointment?"
Model: "Do I want to make an appointment?"
JSJ: "Ok do you have a pen for the address?"
Model: "Do I have a pen?"
JSJ: "Would 2:30 work for?"
Model: "Two thirty?"
JSJ: "Can I please have your name?"
Model: "My name?"
Jesus! it's enough to make a Buddhist flip his lid!
11. Lame excuses and sayings from models. I swear I will write a coffee table book or some shit with these just in them. Although only people in the biz would appreciate it.
Here are three off the top of my head.
"I got into this business to get pregnant. I just found out you can't get pregnant through anal sex. So I am no longer doing A."
Father: "You know what the Alamo is?"
Model "Of course I do! It's that car rental place on ----- Blvd.
JSJ: "We have been trying to reach you for 4 days. Why haven't you called us back."
Model: "Oh. My car broke down."
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I don't have a smiley face 
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