This is why I will end up in jail:
Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god ?
Sarettah: Which god ?
Bailiff (looking confused): I think you know what I mean.
Sarettah: Ok, I was just having fun with you man. Chill dude. Yeah, I swear all that shit...err, excuse me, I mean stuff.
Prosecutor: Please state your name for the record.
Sarettah: Sarettah
Prosecutor: Ok Mr. Sarettah, were you an employee of underhand data center ?
Sarettah: Yeppirs, great gig. Loved it there.
Prosecutor: While you were an underhanded employee did you have occassion to meet a Mr. Kenneth Matza Ball ?
Sarettah: Can't say I did.
Prosecutor: Please answer Yes or No.
Sarettah: Yes or No.
Prosecutor (looking pissed): Would you please answer the question ?
Sarettah: Um, what was the question again?
Prosecutor: While you were an underhanded employee did you have occassion to meet a Mr. Kenneth Matza Ball ?
Sarettah: Not that I am aware of.
Prosecutor: While you were an underhanded employee, did you have occassion to work on any "projects" for mamacass ?
Sarettah: Yeppirs.
Prosecutor: What kind of projects did you work on for MamCass.
Sarettah: Well, let's see. When I first started at Underhand, I was assigned a project for MamCass that was to write a program to read report information from their telephone switching unit, parse the text of the report out and package it into an excel wrapper for use by employees of MamaCass.
Prosecutor: I see. For the record, what is a program ?
Sarettah: A thing you watch on TV ?
Prosecutor (under his breath.. 2 million comediens out of work and he's trying to break in)
Prosecutor: Mr. Sarettah, how would you like to see what the inside of a prison looks like.
Sarettah: I sowwy.
Prosecutor: Now, for the record, what is a computer program.
Sarettah: A computer program is a set of step by step instructions for a computer to perform, your majesty.
Prosecutor: The Majesty is not required, your Highness will do nicely.
Sarettah: Yes, your HindAss.
Prosecutor (glaring fiercely): Mr Sarettah, could you tell us what MamCass's telephone swithching unit did ?
Sarettah: I have no idea.
Prosecutor: How did you write a program to read it if you have no idea what it does.
Sarettah: Data is data dude. I write programs that read data and then crunch it, modify it, repackage it and turn it into useful information. I don't necessarilly need to know the source of the data to perform the necessary functions against the data.
Prosecutor: How much time did you spend working on the MamaCass project.
Sarettah: Hmm, hard to say. I started it at underhanded offices with print outs that someone from MamaCass had brought up, then I went down to MamaCass and worked on site some. I don't know, a thousand hours or so, give or take 999 hours.
Prosecutor: You can't refine it any more than that ?
Sarettah: Man, I'm trying dude, but it was like 4 years agao man. I don't have quite the same number of memory cells that I used to have.
Prosecutor: If you had to quote that project, with the information you now know, how long would you say it would take.
Sarettah: Oh, thats an easy one. Two weeks.
Prosecutor: But you just said that you might have 1000 hours in it ?
Sarettah: Yeppir
Prosecutor: So, you now think you could complete that project in two weeks ?
Sarettah: I didn't say that.
Prosecutor: You said you would quote two weeks.
Sarettah: Yes I did.
Prosecutor: So you are claiming that you could write that program in two weeks, right ?
Sarettah: No, I am not.
Prosecutor (getting visibly angry): Then what the hell are you saying.
Sarettah: I am saying that I would quote it at two weeks.
Prosecutor: And that means ?
Sarettah: That means that I am a programmer and a programming quote is always "Two weeks", just ask anyone that has ever gottem a programming quote.
(to be continued when I get to my homeoffice a little later)
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