MONKS
[chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
[bonk]
Pie Iesu domine,...
[bonk]
...dona eis requiem.
[bonk]
Pie Iesu domine,...
[bonk]
...dona eis requiem.
CROWD
A witch! A witch!
[bonk]
A witch! A witch!
MONKS
[chanting] Pie Iesu domine...
CROWD
A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!
VILLAGER #1
We have found a witch. May we burn her?
CROWD
Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
BEDEVERE
How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2
She looks like one.
CROWD
Right! Yeah! Yeah!
BEDEVERE
Bring her forward.
WITCH
I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEVERE
Uh, but you are dressed as one.
WITCH
They dressed me up like this.
CROWD
Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
WITCH
And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
BEDEVERE
Well?
VILLAGER #1
Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE
The nose?
VILLAGER #1
And the hat, but she is a witch!
VILLAGER #2
Yeah!
CROWD
We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
BEDEVERE
Did you dress her up like this?
VILLAGER #1
No!
VILLAGERS #2 and #3
No. No.
VILLAGER #2
No.
VILLAGER #1
No.
VILLAGERS #2 and #3
No.
VILLAGER #1
Yes.
VILLAGER #2
Yes.
VILLAGER #1
Yes. Yeah, a bit.
VILLAGER #3
A bit.
VILLAGERS #1 and #2
A bit.
VILLAGER #3
A bit.
VILLAGER #1
She has got a wart.
RANDOM
[cough]
BEDEVERE
What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3
Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEVERE
A newt?
VILLAGER #3
I got better.
VILLAGER #2
Burn her anyway!
VILLAGER #1
Burn!
CROWD
Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
BEDEVERE
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
VILLAGER #1
Are there?
VILLAGER #2
Ah?
VILLAGER #1
What are they?
CROWD
Tell us! Tell us!...
BEDEVERE
Tell me. What do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2
Burn!
VILLAGER #1
Burn!
CROWD
Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
BEDEVERE
And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1
More witches!
VILLAGER #3
Shh!
VILLAGER #2
Wood!
BEDEVERE
So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
VILLAGER #3
B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
BEDEVERE
Good! Heh heh.
CROWD
Oh, yeah. Oh.
BEDEVERE
So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1
Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEVERE
Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #1
Oh, yeah.
RANDOM
Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
BEDEVERE
Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1
No. No.
VILLAGER #2
No, it floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1
Throw her into the pond!
CROWD
The pond! Throw her into the pond!
BEDEVERE
What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1
Bread!
VILLAGER #2
Apples!
VILLAGER #3
Uh, very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1
Cider!
VILLAGER #2
Uh, gra-- gravy!
VILLAGER #1
Cherries!
VILLAGER #2
Mud!
VILLAGER #3
Churches! Churches!
VILLAGER #2
Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR
A duck!
CROWD
Oooh.
BEDEVERE
Exactly. So, logically...
VILLAGER #1
If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE
And therefore?
VILLAGER #2
A witch!
VILLAGER #1
A witch!
CROWD
A witch! A witch!...
VILLAGER #4
Here is a duck. Use this duck.
[quack quack quack]
BEDEVERE
We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD
Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
BEDEVERE
Right. Remove the supports!
[whop]
[clunk]
[creak]
CROWD
A witch! A witch! A witch!
WITCH
It's a fair cop.
VILLAGER #3
Burn her!
CROWD
Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...
BEDEVERE
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
ARTHUR
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
BEDEVERE
My liege!
ARTHUR
Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot and join us at the Round Table?
BEDEVERE
My liege! I would be honored.
ARTHUR
What is your name?
BEDEVERE
'Bedevere', my liege.
ARTHUR
Then I dub you 'Sir Bedevere, Knight of the Round Table'.
|