errrrrr I was quoting Monty Python....
--------[As Brian and his mum come over the top of a hill, they see a large
number of people stoning some unfortunate. MC hurries Brian along to
get to the next victim in time. When he is, we see that he crowd
consists entirely of women wearing fake beards. An elder stands in
front of the next prisoner holding a scroll as he waits for the
crowd to settle down.]
Elder Mathias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.
Mathias [to a guard] Do I say yes?
Guard Yes.
Mathias [To the elder] Yes.
Elder You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering
the name of our lord, and so as a BLASPHEMER...
Crowd Ooooh.
Elder ...you are to be stoned
to death.
--------[The crowd look anxious to kill Mathias]
Mathias Look. I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was 'That
piece of hallibut was good enough for Jehovah'.
Crowd Oooooooh!
Elder BLASPHEMY!!!! He said it again
Crowd Yes, yes.
Elder Did you hear him?
Crowd Yes, yes.
Woman1 Really.
--------[There is a moment of silence as the elder thinks, after hearing the
woman's voice.]
Elder Are there any women here today?
Crowd [Guiltily]
Elder Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me...
--------[One of the more impatient women throws a stone and hits mathias on
the head.]
Mathias Oh lay off... we haven't started yet.
Elder Come on. Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.
Crowd She did, she did, he, he, he, him, him, him, he did.
[Their voices drop as they realise their mistake.]
Woman1 Sorry, I thought we'd started. {Said lovelyly.}
Elder Go to the back. There's always one, isn't there. Now where were we?
Mathias Look, I don't think it ought to be blasphey, just saying Jehovah.
Crowd [Shocked] He said it again!
Edler You're only making it worse for yourself.
Mathias Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.
Crowd Ooooooh!
Elder I'm warning you... If you say Jehovah once more...
[A stone flys by and hits the elder.]
Right. Who threw that? Come on. Who threw that?
Crowd She did she did, he, him, him, him, him, him, him.
Elder Was it you?
Woman2 Yes.
Elder Right...
Woman2 Well you did say Jehovah.
[She gets stoned {the blasphemer}]
Elder Stop, stop. Will you stop that... stop it. Now look. No-one is to
stone anyone until I blow this whistle. Do you understand? Even, and
I want to make this absolutely clear; even if they do say Jehovah.
--------[The skocked women stone the elder to death, ending in the dropping
of a huge bolder on his fallen body.]
Woman3 Good shot.
--------[One of the two roman guards looks at the other, who shakes his head.
They do nothing.]
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