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Old 05-25-2004   #17
Rox
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Now, the rub here, from the programming perspective, is that if the client, after you go through this process, decides not to buy, then you have to eat that time somehow.
We took it in the shorts quite a few times before someone finally got smart and put a price on analysis and the process of defining requirements. No mean feat, considering that outside of our Technology department it seems to me there's hardly anyone in our company that understands a fucking thing about the Internet or Software Development. It's bad enough when the clients don't really understand the extensive work it takes to complete a project... but to have Sales people and "suits" whose technological savvy is summed up in their ability to create a PowerPoint presentation is enough to drive one crazy. The same people who are too retarded not to open an "I Love You" infected email are the same ones who can't understand why production on their projects has been halted in order to deal with the results of their infecting the internal network - including the development servers. I fantasize about grabbing my SuperSoaker and going postal... starting with the 4th floor's residents - the suits and salesdorks.

"Well, we just don't understand WHY you can't localize the entire Harry Potter site for 17 languages (including a couple 2-byte Asian) in one week, instead of the three originally scheduled! What? There are only three people who could possibly work on it, as long as they set aside their OTHER projects? Hey, that's only a little over five languages per person, that shouldn't be too difficult, right?"

I'll be fully vested in 7 1/2 months and at that time I'll be taking a long, hard look at whether my talents might be more fully realized (and appreciated) elsewhere. Of late the ONLY good thing I can say about being a developer in a corporate environment is the steady paycheck and the medical benefits; beyond that it's a trial of one's patience to constantly be called upon to do whatever it takes to make some salesfuck look good when s/he's promised the client the moon with a fence around it, assuming that "Technology will figure out how to pull down the moon," and only providing us with raw lumber for the fence, a week before the launch date.

The stupidest thing I think we ever can do is let people know that SOME projects can be "fast-tracked." Next thing you know, somehow it gets around that they ALL can... and the developers are expected to perform miracles. Unfortunately, more often than not we actually DO pull a rabbit out of a hat (or a huge project out of our asses, in an unreasonably short amount of time), and for our trouble we end up with Project Managers and salesfucks who consider those miracles proof that their expectations weren't so unreasonable after all... bastards! They leave promptly at 6pm without a care in the world while half the Tech department works til 10 and on weekends to save their asses. In appreciation we might get a basket of cookies after launch (woo hoo! That certainly makes up for all that time we didn't get to spend with our families, doesn't it?).

Lucky me, I get to concurrently manage all the testing for a HUGE website, content management app and games arcade app project we've built that's due to launch on 6/3, while customizing and "becoming the expert" on a 3rd party (Jive) message board system we're finally moving over to (did I mention I know fuck-all about programming for J2EE?)... while also doing all the site maintenance requests that come in, too. It'll BE a miracle if there's not an article in the LA times a few weeks hence, under the headline, "Software Assurance Analyst Goes On SuperSoaker Rampage!"

Whatever the hell a Software Assurance Analyst is... I keep telling my boss that my title would be more accurate if it were "Everybody's Go To Gal," since I do everything from editing and encoding media to building sites to burning CDs and DVDs for the abovementioned clueless VPs and virus-spreaders who are too stupid to be trusted sitting in front of a workstation.

"7 1/2 months... 7 1/2 months... Steady paycheck... Steady paycheck..." The mantra that helps get me through each day!

Sarettah, in another thread you said you wished you'd cultivated the sales side in your field of expertise. I think we ALL wish that more programmers and developers would do so, because having people with actual expertise in what they're selling would be a godsend in managing the expectations of clients, and keeping projects within budget and on time. After all, that's what all parties consider a successful project, isn't it?
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