[PornoDoggy]

Worst job as a teenager was as a cook for Kentucy Fried Chicken. I worked for 6 weeks before they found out I wasn't 16. That was, uh, more than a week ago and I still can't really eat the stuff.

Worst job as an adult was managing two& co-owning another residental/commercial cleaning and disaster restoration franchises. My employers/partners were absolute fucking lunatics who made the Bundys look normal. The employees were generally "bottom of the barrel" who had a habit of quiting right after payday.

A typical day would involve:

* explaining to a landlord that I probably couldn't make the 1970s green shag carpet look like new after the tenant and her 6 dogs had lived there for eleven years;

*explaining to another customer that no, the scotchguard guarantee did not cover your 3-year-old ADD brat opening and dumping your 56 bottles of fingernail polish all over the white berber carpet in the great room;

* explaining to a janitorial services customer that since his other employees decided to ignore the wet floor signs and hold a meeting in a room with fresh wax laid on it, I had to invoice him for redoing the floor;

* telling a disaster restoration customer that I did not really thnk my crew stole the 12" dildo from her bedroom while we were cleaning up after the fire;

* sending a guy just released from prision for felony theft back to the temp company before we go clean a bank; or, during the flood of '93, sending 7 of 18 guys back to a different temp company because they were drunk (the temp company had pulled a van up to the Salvation Army shelter in town and recruited new workers).

* personally supervise the cleaning of Paul Harvey's St. Louis office and broadcast studio;

* attempt to decipher the messages taken by the secretary they hired, who was the sister of the Regional Franchise Manager's assistant and was pretty good except for missing an average of 1 day every two weeks, and was only a little dislexic.