I'm from Missouri (rumor has it that Oklahoma is a suburb of Joplin, anyway
), and now live in rural Illinois. I can relate to a lot of that myself, although I'll add that the only thing slower than a tractor is an Amish buggy. Also, these people don't want a coke, they want a "pop." It does not do any good to tell anyone "It's out by the cornfield" - because everything, including the bean fields, are out by the cornfields.
My girlfriend called from work a couple of weeks back to warn me that a funnel cloud had been sighted, and that I should take the dog and head for the basement. I put the dog in the basement and joined the rest of the town by going out in the back yard.