[PornoDoggy]

Ahem ... I have never claimed to be up in the rarified levels of - well, whatever the fuck it is ... whinedom?, er, winedom? - that the likes of you and Sobe exist.

I can't.

I've never claimed to have made unverifiable millions off the net.

When I did drink wine, I preferred Ripple - Wednesday was usually the best vintage.

My girlfriend is not one of my own body parts, a rental property, nor is she inflatable.

I've never tucked my tail between my legs and whimpered off a board.

Perhaps when I have, I'll be worthy of status such as yours.

Of course, I truly hope someone shoots me should it ever appear that I aspire to such things, but that's a different matter entirely.