-= JR =-

"Once upon a time there was a big blonde who ......."

...was a very successful model. but fame also comes at a price and unfortuneately, tremendous success could not compensate for being a hopeless ding bat, binging on booze, twinkies and muscle relaxants.

with nowhere to go but up... the fine blond super model decides to marry an infirmed billionaire who in his late 80's and dying was at the time and confined to a wheelchair. Much to the shock and surprise of the young, big titted model... many people were suspicious of the relationship and to her horror, suspected that maybe she was in it for the money. Unwavering in her eternal love for her soul mate, she insisted on telling the world that the sex was good, the relationship was built on love and respect and had nothing to do with how she shook that big booty and rubbed her bit titties in the the shriveled little face of her husband.

sadly, yet predictably, the old man died. what could not be predicted was a legal battle for his estate by his children who challenged to legitimacy of the marriage of their father and any claim she had to any portion of his estate. due to a long and intense legal battle, Ann Nicole Smith was left penniless and broke with no money for Ho-Ho's and Chocolate milk... and spending the last few years blinded by the dream of an eternity of laying around watching Jerry Springer while subsisting on Pizza, Beer, and Twinkies... she had regretfully let herself go physically.

but this is where the magic of a free market economy comes into play and her life is about to change again forever. You see, the guys at E! were pitching new ideas for the fall season line up. "How do we follow up Stern" the young, well dressed execs were asking again and again? they were really at a loss of how to follow up the famous shock jock who brought us all Methane Man - the guy who farts songs, Eric the Retard and Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf

They tossed around some ideas.... "how about "Chasing Retarded kids with Cattle Prods?" the new guy enthusiastically yelled. "No No" the exec answered... "thats fine for the first 5 minutes of a show... then what?"

"well..." he impatiently retorted... "what if we then light them on fire?" Quickly overcome by that depressing feeling again, that he is just too far ahead of his time and that they "just dont get it", he quietly sat back back down.

a silence blanketed the room again. that same silence only known to a bunch of burnt out, 3rd rate TV executives who after more than a decade on TV still cant figure out how to top their ground breaking flagship shows like "Laura Ingalls, where is she now?"... and "hey man... Gary Coleman was working as a security guard over there"

Suddenly, Mr Thompson speaks up... "what about reality a TV show, like Practical Jokes at the Mental Hospital".

hmmm... they all thought. "Not bad" two said in unison. "Tell us a little more" another said.

Mr Thompson, trying to overcome his shyness and fear of public speaking nervously says... "well, i had this idea where we go to the psychiatric ward of the States maximum security prison and play jokes on the criminally insane. You know, funny stuff, like convince them that their head might burst into flames at any moment due to a rare genetic condition, or that all doctors really want to kill them, not treat them"

.. he pauses nervously to clear his throat, then continues "maybe we would then follow them around or plant hidden cameras everywhere to capture them going completely over the edge on camera. It will all be live. You know, reality TV."

"I LIKE IT" Mr Johnston, the seasoned Director of Programming yells out exitedly. But then a clean cut young man in a well fitting Armani suit leans forward and wispers quitly in Mr Johnstons ear while making various hand gestures suggesting that whatever he was saying was related to getting fucked in the ass by an overly masculine, yet oddly effiminate cell mate named Bubba for next 10-20 years.

"Oh... er. are you sure?" he asked the young man quietly.
Then young man slowly nodded, then mumbled something about medication before important programming meetings, not after and the conversation continued.

then, another young man broke the silence. "i have an idea", he said. "Its kind of a combination of everything we are talking about. something really dynamic and creative. Something that combines the excitement of secretly stalking a hippopotomus, watching the mating habits of Manatees, witnessing the lifestyle of a giant Sloth, watching a corpse rot, and tying retards to a tree and beating them with a stick."

everyone in the room leaned forward with intense interest, when the young man continued,

"... have you ever heard of Anna Nicole Smith?"



Last edited by -= JR =- at Nov 3 2002, 11:52 AM