How to Shower Like a Woman


1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



How To Shower Like a Man

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Make muscles.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

Hooper, I hope you don't do those things!! :D

hahaha... wooo--woooo

lol, the sad thing is that this is almost exactly how the showering goes in our house ;)

Woooooooooo Wooooooooo!

hahahahhahaha,
I do MOST!!!!!

good one, Hoop!
;-)))

I have a confession to make. A few months ago I started using Amanda's "Invigorating Apricot Scrub" exfoliator in the shower. Well, the expected coup de epidermis has never come. Either that or it struck assassin-like in the middleof the night leaving no vestige.

Amanda hasn't once complimented me on my "glowing, fresh, healthy skin" which is the product's assurance. Should I be upset it's not working or that she didn't notice? Do these products actually work or are they just for some strange "I'm a man and don't get it" comfort? I'd like to know.

Colin, you can sleep easier tonight knowing that I personally noticed your glowing, fresh, healthy skin in FL. I didn't want to mention it for fear it would be an affront to your masculinity, but now that I see you were actually striving for this result, I can safely admire it in public. :)

Peaches,

I think what you noticed is that for the first time I wasn't whacked out on cocaine, GHB, and/or whiskey.

Obviously someone has forgotten our date in Vegas. :( Of course, you were whacked out on jetlag then. :awinky:

yeah Peaches!
one can't be careful enough with those things....

conversation I once witnessed:

one woman to another woman:
honey, you have such a soft skin...

second woman responces:
your husband is soft too....

watching man's erection disapear right after those words,
the second woman adds...
I meant his chest hairs!

first woman:
darn men, they hate hearing those things....

;-))))

Obviously someone has forgotten our date in Vegas. :( Of course, you were whacked out on jetlag then. :awinky:[/b][/quote]
Drugs destroy braincells. It's true.

He was obviously playing it smart and adjusting the situation in order to make the woman correct. :)

He was obviously playing it smart and adjusting the situation in order to make the woman correct. :)[/b][/quote]
yeap, real, true gentleman!
;-))))

Huh?I woodnit said dat.
E'm stil fin

;-)))

Colin, you can sleep easier tonight knowing that I personally noticed your glowing, fresh, healthy skin in FL. I didn't want to mention it for fear it would be an affront to your masculinity, but now that I see you were actually striving for this result, I can safely admire it in public. :)[/b][/quote]
That wasnt a glow that was sweat from where we had just been sniffing of porn models hair as they walked by!

I thought I saw you in a few pics with Easton snorting coke off of nipples?

Awesome summary. Shampoo mowhawks rule!