Masturbation Song

You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty
Dollars, Ma'am."

Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America, Give Yourselves A Hand!

It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license

You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America, Give Yourselves a Hand!

(Musical bridge, with lots of suggestive dance moves on the
ROCKER'S part. For instance, he does that one bit where you
jump backwards on one leg while playing air guitar, except that
instead of playing air guitar he's stroking air wanker.)

You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion

You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Shwartzenegger pounds it, Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America, Give Yourself a Hand


:cdance: :bdance: :cdance: :bdance: :cdance: :bdance: :cdance: :bdance:

I like that song.

And if you say you dont masterbate, your only lying to yourself.

:nyanya:

And Voodooman should know - he's masturbating right NOW! :blink:

I don't think that was written by an American, since only pissants use words like 'wanker' or 'muff' in normal speech in this country. But it's the thought that counts.

C.



Last edited by Cal at Nov 19 2002, 01:54 PM

Who are you calling "pissant", you WANKER! :awinky:

Yeah I wasn't sure whether anyone would pick up on the irony. :rolleyes:

When I was in college in Wisconsin people who tried to use the word wanker just sounded ridiculous. Stupid honkies.

C.

Who you calling honky, ya wanker.

:nyanya:

Oh come on, Voodooman... You are the EPITOME of HONKY!

ya cracker ass cracker! :biglaugh:

Wait just a DAMN minute here.

I'M the epitome of honky???

I live in Oklahoma, not Alabama, Arkansas, Carolina's or
Kentucky, oh sorry, forgot Louisianna.

:nyanya:

haha

Im a cracker your a cracker, wouldnt you like to be a cracker too?