BarbZILLA

After a long stint in Miami for Internext I decided I needed a "little hair of the dog" to get me back in working mode.

So we had a little Global Warming event at the biker bar up the street from the office.

No big deal I just needed to unwind so I hung out with the Crazy White Devil Woman and her roommate for a few drinks.

Now you all know that one of these outings NEVER goes without an event. And this was no exception.

Things were looking pretty bleak for a blog entry until we spotted the drunk camel toe. A more accurate description would be a HOOF.

A couple was across the deck giving a solo guy a lot of grief and caught our attention.

Seems that solo dude used to fly in the service with dude with the camel toe. The camel toe was an aging US Air waitress [flight attendant] and he was one of the pilots of the calibur Ive started to expect from USAir.

From where I was sitting it looked like they were sizing up the solo dude to be the other bun for a camel toe sandwitch.

He wasnt having it - and I dont blame him.

At some point solo dude was aware we were being entertained and was able to coerce the girls into coming over to bail him out.

And so it begins...Camel toe I think thought that this could turn out to be a big ole sweaty party back at the Best Western so she opened the girls with welcome arms.

And Im pretty sure that a little fun was brewing in her mind when she asked the girls if they were together since none of us were married. You know lezzie licker type of together.

But then came the question....

"Where do you guys work?"

This time it wasnt me that spoke up but the roommate who explained how we sold porn.

Even though the camel toe said that was cool and that she wasnt judgemental I saw the electric shock in her body language.

I dont think it was a case of being offended so much that now the girls became more interesting than she was with her drunken New Jersey accent.

So as she slopped the beer she was drinking back into the pitcher that she paid with using her own hard earned money the judgemental streak started revealing itself.

First she explains...shes not into porn. She doesnt like porn... and then - being that she was so fucking drunk that she didnt want to be in porn.

They explained to her that we just work in the office but at some point I was identified as a "producer".

I knew the train wreck was on its way when she looked at the CWDW and told her that she was such a pretty girl that she just needed to "clean up her act".

Oh really? was the response...

At that point I commented "So much for being nonjudgemental." Now it was my turn to be insulted because I was a producer.

Anyone thats watched the Sopranos would have been proud as the camel toe lived up to the stereotype as all of her insults consisted of FUCK YOU!

And in that erection killing New Jersey accent on top of it.

Of course I didnt miss a beat by telling her to go get fucked herself and that I didnt give a shit what a 20K a year airline waitress thought about me. Here's $2 get me a bottle of water.

At this point pilot dude realizes that the smack is coming down and wants be play Rodney King with everyone getting along. I told him to leash his bitch and I didnt care that she was drunk.

Camel Toe cant get a word in edgewise so she comes over to poke me in the chest to punctuate her fuck yous.

Its at this point in the event that Barbie turns into the 6' + Crazy White Devil Woman and her words tell the Camel Toe shes going to call the police but her body language was shouting Im gonna kick your ass.

Of course they left. But Im laughing because now I have a bodyguard here in Charlotte.

Maybe she does need to go to these shows with me.