StaciEroticy508
03-10-2008, 04:13 PM
ADD TO IT OR COMMENT:rolleyes:
Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO"!
Bearded Lady!
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts. And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
Senior Citizens
With much regret, a son checks his aging father into a home for senior citizens. "Damn You Boy!" Screams the father. "Is this how you pay me back for taking care of you all my life!" "Dad, you're 90 years old. You can hardly take care of yourself and you need to be around other people. Give it a chance, maybe you'll like it here." Explains the son. The next morning, as he is waking up, the father notices that he has an erection. There is a knock on the door and in walks the most beautiful girl the father has ever seen. Much to his delight, he realizes that the young woman is his nurse. She notices his erection, and without saying a word, pulls back the covers and gives him a fantastic blow job. Still in disbelief, the father telephones his son. "Damn It boy! Putting me in this home was the greatest thing you ever did for me!" He goes on and explains what has happened. The son is in disbelief, but, is glad to hear that his father is happy with his new surroundings. Later that afternoon, the father is strolling down the hallway with his walker and talking to the other seniors. Suddenly, he slips and falls, and is unable to get up. "Help me! Somebody help me! I can't get up!" A big, fat, ugly male Orderly comes running at the sound of the father's screams. But, instead of helping, the Orderly pulls down his pants, and begins to butt-fuck the old man. This goes on for a time with the father still screaming for help! Finally, the Orderly finishes, dresses himself, and helps the father to his feet. The old man scrambles to his room and telephones his son again. "Damn It Boy! Get me the hell out of here!" He explains to his son what has just happened to him. Now the son is completely confused, not sure what to believe. "But dad, what about the young nurse and what happened when you woke up? Wouldn't you want that every morning?" "Well, that's the damn problem!" Screams the dad. "I get a hard-on maybe once or twice a month. But, I fall down at least three or four times a day!!!"
Just Like a Man
There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees. When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately. The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened. "I'm not sure, but I think she choked".
Blow Job
This boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up.."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"My love.. don't be like that.."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says. "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"
Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO"!
Bearded Lady!
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift. "Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up." "Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back." The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear." "That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that." Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks. "Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made." "What's wrong?" asks the doctor. "Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers. "Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts. And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
Senior Citizens
With much regret, a son checks his aging father into a home for senior citizens. "Damn You Boy!" Screams the father. "Is this how you pay me back for taking care of you all my life!" "Dad, you're 90 years old. You can hardly take care of yourself and you need to be around other people. Give it a chance, maybe you'll like it here." Explains the son. The next morning, as he is waking up, the father notices that he has an erection. There is a knock on the door and in walks the most beautiful girl the father has ever seen. Much to his delight, he realizes that the young woman is his nurse. She notices his erection, and without saying a word, pulls back the covers and gives him a fantastic blow job. Still in disbelief, the father telephones his son. "Damn It boy! Putting me in this home was the greatest thing you ever did for me!" He goes on and explains what has happened. The son is in disbelief, but, is glad to hear that his father is happy with his new surroundings. Later that afternoon, the father is strolling down the hallway with his walker and talking to the other seniors. Suddenly, he slips and falls, and is unable to get up. "Help me! Somebody help me! I can't get up!" A big, fat, ugly male Orderly comes running at the sound of the father's screams. But, instead of helping, the Orderly pulls down his pants, and begins to butt-fuck the old man. This goes on for a time with the father still screaming for help! Finally, the Orderly finishes, dresses himself, and helps the father to his feet. The old man scrambles to his room and telephones his son again. "Damn It Boy! Get me the hell out of here!" He explains to his son what has just happened to him. Now the son is completely confused, not sure what to believe. "But dad, what about the young nurse and what happened when you woke up? Wouldn't you want that every morning?" "Well, that's the damn problem!" Screams the dad. "I get a hard-on maybe once or twice a month. But, I fall down at least three or four times a day!!!"
Just Like a Man
There's a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman out of her coma. She calls the woman's husband, tells him her idea about oral sex, and he agrees. When he arrives at the hospital, the nurse ushers him into the room, closes the curtain around the bed, and closes the door. Five minutes later, the man comes running out of the room screaming that all of his wife's vital signs have plummeted to zero and she needs a doctor immediately. The nurse, upset that her idea had not only not worked, but seemed to be threatening the life of the woman she had sought to save, asked the man what had happened. "I'm not sure, but I think she choked".
Blow Job
This boy just takes his girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up.."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"My love.. don't be like that.."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says. "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"