gonzo
12-03-2007, 12:39 PM
The model at the center of Hustler's December 2006 magazine lures you in with her perfectly plumped lips and glistening body. But it's her eyes that make you linger. They are expertly painted in a sultry charcoal, an attempt to hide the lies in her glare. She didn't want to be there. Not like that, not naked and feeding herself grapes and grabbing seductively at her own body. But the shoots always wound up that way.
The stylist curled her hair, the make-up artist painted her nails a light, innocent pink, and the assistants catered to her every need, each lavishing her with compliments. The photographer, he was the most encouraging of all. But before long, "You're beautiful" went to "Open your legs wider."
From Crissy Moran's first shoot, flattery paved the way for degradation.
She'd been in the pornography industry for six years, searching for the attention and affection absent in her years growing up in a tiny town just outside Jacksonville. She said she found it temporarily, in the arms of abusive boyfriends, in the spotlight of famous smut publications and in the lust of thousands of men across the country.
But after each shoot - as the compliments about her hair extensions and cheek bones gave way to ribaldry- she ended up in tears. Her eyes always told the truth in the end.
***
It began in a hotel room in Jacksonville. The pretty girl took off her clothes in front of a stranger for the first time and posed for the camera.
It was the fall of 1999 and Moran was desperately searching for something. A string of bad break-ups left the 23-year-old office clerk depressed. She'd worked at The Jacksonville Landing's Hooters for a while but found it degrading, after being chastised for not jumping rope or throwing Frisbees to entice customers.
"I was probably the only one there who wore glasses," she said.
She jumped to a string of jobs at a local retail store, the county clerk of courts then the Supervisor of Elections office. Curious about modeling, she posted bikini snapshots of herself on the Internet.
"People started e-mailing me. It was immediate," she said. "I was enjoying the flattery of being considered for a job."
Though she'd hoped legitimate modeling agents would call, the hotel room shoot instead launched her into the pornography industry. She quit her job and modeled full time. She took jobs in Miami and Los Angeles for Playboy and Hustler. Her bread and butter, though, was online.
The late 1990s were ripe for online pornographers. Only a few Internet businesses turned a significant profit and sex was one of them, according to Alex Halavais, professor of social computing at Quinnipiac University.
"It was the gold rush period," he said. "You just got the idea that anyone could do this."
Moran was creating a male following who ogled her images and, as a bonus, could communicate with her at her own personal dot-com. Hundreds e-mailed seeking more attention from Moran, who would occasionally write back.
She had moved to California and performed in mainstream porn movies. Those and her magazine shoots provided Moran with more exposure and drew people to her Web site, which garnered thousands of hits per day. A monthly subscription to her site cost about $22.95.
Though Moran made nearly $14,000 each month in the business, the raunch was weighing on her. For a while she was able to rationalize her work: "The people that I surrounded myself with, we all normalize it, and it's so, so easy. You turn on VH1 and there's [porn stars] Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy.
"But people don't realize the hurt and pain going on in the inside, or going on with the people who are addicted," she said.
One guy did.
***
Darren Hayman, a singer-songwriter from London, wrote a song about Moran that became a YouTube video.
When she'd slip on her nylon stockings,
does something shocking,
she doesn't blink an eye.
She imagines it's a fashion shoot in Tuscany,
not down in Tampa Bay.
It's best that way.
She cried when she heard his words. They were true and it hurt to hear them out loud.
The songwriter said he wrote Crissy M because "she tended to look more uncomfortable than other porn stars I'd seen. She seemed [to have] a little 'I'd rather be somewhere else' in her eyes."
Finally, Moran decided to get out. She quit her Web site last fall and immediately felt the backlash from her manager and Web master, who mocked her "interest in Religion & Christianity."
Moran found pictures of her nude body with images of Christ photoshopped on her breasts.
The monthly checks stopped coming. She was nearly broke.
Some of her fans, though, have been supportive of her change and frequently post encouraging messages to her MySpace page.
A post from "Trick" reads: "In all honesty, I have to say I am a fan of your previous work, but I respect peoples individual rights, so I'm glad that you're doing something that makes you happy now. No one should blame you for wanting to give your life back to the Lord."
Moran, now 31, joined a church.
"I know in the beginning when I first started going I felt a lot of them judging me," she said, but now it's the kindness of her friends and fellow congregants that gets her through emotionally and financially.
"I mostly think about the struggles I'm going through and how I don't have a job or the skills I could've been working on at that time and bettering myself in so many different ways," she said.
She wants to find a job - at least part-time - so she can go to school to be a social worker. In the meantime, she's started volunteering with Treasures, a nonprofit group that encourages women in the adult industry to turn to Christ. She's spoken out at her own church about her story, which she said helps her heal.
She still struggles with self-esteem issues and sometimes has a hard time relating to the people in her circles and gaining the confidence to interview for jobs.
"I still think of myself as the porn star," she said.
Though it has been difficult, she said she would never consider getting back into the industry.
And Hayman, the singer-songwriter, thinks that's best. "It's interesting," he said. "With her getting religion, she'd make a much better song."
Source (http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/120307/lif_221825519.shtml)
The stylist curled her hair, the make-up artist painted her nails a light, innocent pink, and the assistants catered to her every need, each lavishing her with compliments. The photographer, he was the most encouraging of all. But before long, "You're beautiful" went to "Open your legs wider."
From Crissy Moran's first shoot, flattery paved the way for degradation.
She'd been in the pornography industry for six years, searching for the attention and affection absent in her years growing up in a tiny town just outside Jacksonville. She said she found it temporarily, in the arms of abusive boyfriends, in the spotlight of famous smut publications and in the lust of thousands of men across the country.
But after each shoot - as the compliments about her hair extensions and cheek bones gave way to ribaldry- she ended up in tears. Her eyes always told the truth in the end.
***
It began in a hotel room in Jacksonville. The pretty girl took off her clothes in front of a stranger for the first time and posed for the camera.
It was the fall of 1999 and Moran was desperately searching for something. A string of bad break-ups left the 23-year-old office clerk depressed. She'd worked at The Jacksonville Landing's Hooters for a while but found it degrading, after being chastised for not jumping rope or throwing Frisbees to entice customers.
"I was probably the only one there who wore glasses," she said.
She jumped to a string of jobs at a local retail store, the county clerk of courts then the Supervisor of Elections office. Curious about modeling, she posted bikini snapshots of herself on the Internet.
"People started e-mailing me. It was immediate," she said. "I was enjoying the flattery of being considered for a job."
Though she'd hoped legitimate modeling agents would call, the hotel room shoot instead launched her into the pornography industry. She quit her job and modeled full time. She took jobs in Miami and Los Angeles for Playboy and Hustler. Her bread and butter, though, was online.
The late 1990s were ripe for online pornographers. Only a few Internet businesses turned a significant profit and sex was one of them, according to Alex Halavais, professor of social computing at Quinnipiac University.
"It was the gold rush period," he said. "You just got the idea that anyone could do this."
Moran was creating a male following who ogled her images and, as a bonus, could communicate with her at her own personal dot-com. Hundreds e-mailed seeking more attention from Moran, who would occasionally write back.
She had moved to California and performed in mainstream porn movies. Those and her magazine shoots provided Moran with more exposure and drew people to her Web site, which garnered thousands of hits per day. A monthly subscription to her site cost about $22.95.
Though Moran made nearly $14,000 each month in the business, the raunch was weighing on her. For a while she was able to rationalize her work: "The people that I surrounded myself with, we all normalize it, and it's so, so easy. You turn on VH1 and there's [porn stars] Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy.
"But people don't realize the hurt and pain going on in the inside, or going on with the people who are addicted," she said.
One guy did.
***
Darren Hayman, a singer-songwriter from London, wrote a song about Moran that became a YouTube video.
When she'd slip on her nylon stockings,
does something shocking,
she doesn't blink an eye.
She imagines it's a fashion shoot in Tuscany,
not down in Tampa Bay.
It's best that way.
She cried when she heard his words. They were true and it hurt to hear them out loud.
The songwriter said he wrote Crissy M because "she tended to look more uncomfortable than other porn stars I'd seen. She seemed [to have] a little 'I'd rather be somewhere else' in her eyes."
Finally, Moran decided to get out. She quit her Web site last fall and immediately felt the backlash from her manager and Web master, who mocked her "interest in Religion & Christianity."
Moran found pictures of her nude body with images of Christ photoshopped on her breasts.
The monthly checks stopped coming. She was nearly broke.
Some of her fans, though, have been supportive of her change and frequently post encouraging messages to her MySpace page.
A post from "Trick" reads: "In all honesty, I have to say I am a fan of your previous work, but I respect peoples individual rights, so I'm glad that you're doing something that makes you happy now. No one should blame you for wanting to give your life back to the Lord."
Moran, now 31, joined a church.
"I know in the beginning when I first started going I felt a lot of them judging me," she said, but now it's the kindness of her friends and fellow congregants that gets her through emotionally and financially.
"I mostly think about the struggles I'm going through and how I don't have a job or the skills I could've been working on at that time and bettering myself in so many different ways," she said.
She wants to find a job - at least part-time - so she can go to school to be a social worker. In the meantime, she's started volunteering with Treasures, a nonprofit group that encourages women in the adult industry to turn to Christ. She's spoken out at her own church about her story, which she said helps her heal.
She still struggles with self-esteem issues and sometimes has a hard time relating to the people in her circles and gaining the confidence to interview for jobs.
"I still think of myself as the porn star," she said.
Though it has been difficult, she said she would never consider getting back into the industry.
And Hayman, the singer-songwriter, thinks that's best. "It's interesting," he said. "With her getting religion, she'd make a much better song."
Source (http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/120307/lif_221825519.shtml)