Discovering Porn on your boyfriends computer

[gonzo]

This is worthy of discussion on how we are percieved as an industry by some women.

I was innocently looking for Christmas present ideas on his computer. Literally, I was typing in “fireplace tools” in Google. And, as he turned to me and said hey, let’s watch this show together, I knew I had to quit. Me, being the Web geek that I am, immediately went to his Web history to erase my clues. That’s when I found it: a full history of porn sites. How did I know? Well, let’s just say the terms were a bit revealing. Shocked, I clicked on one. Password protected. Wow, not even just porn history, but registered porn history, credit-card-paid-subscription porn history. My stomach sank.

We have been together now for a year and a half. I recall casual conversations about this in the early days, and I’m pretty sure I asked and I’m pretty sure he denied. I remember having the “have you ever watched it with another boyfriend/girlfriend” conversation and I recall him saying yes and me saying no. I know I asked about it because my last boyfriend hid it from me, and I also discovered it, at which point he got angry, defensive, and accused me of being inadequate.

So, you can see where my baggage begins
Cut to this relationship: much more open, much healthier, happier, and I dare say, great in the sex department. Great, meaning traditionally great—nothing too non-traditional, no costumes, no toys, no role-playing, and until this moment, no porn. So, my first thought was—why? Should I have initiated a costume? A toy? Am I not enough? I looked over him, his image on the couch with my dog starkly opposing the names I was seeing in his history (and not just the names but the amount of sites—I mean how long does it take to get horny on a Friday night when your girlfriend is out of town?). In my last relationship I would have just closed the browser, silently freaked out, and waited until my next bottle of wine to unleash irrationally on the topic. I am slowly learning that this is not always the best way to open a can of worms. I couldn’t take it. So, I just called it out. “Hey, I was searching for your Christmas present online and found all of your porn sites.”<fast turn around, big blush>

We talked about it. And, it reigns up there as one of the most uncomfortable conversations I think we both have ever had. He was not defensive, nor was he angry. In fact most of the time he was blushing, like a little kid whose mom found Playboy under his bed (note: I do NOT want to be anyone’s mom, but this was the emotion I felt). After a while a few things came out of him and of me:

The rest of the paranoia here (http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22084/24225/2)

[hndsomegardener]

my girlfriend caught me redhanded. she got angry as expected. but girls...is that a form of cheating?:thumbdown

[Rcourt64]

my girlfriend caught me redhanded. she got angry as expected. but girls...is that a form of cheating?:thumbdown

HELLLL NO it's not any form or sort of cheating. If I got caught rubbing one off by anyone. I don't believe I'm cheating at all. It's weird how it's ok and cool till they get caught. Shit, for that matter, if relationships where totally honest about cheating, then no porn would sell to start with.

Do women really think that mens minds are just dedicated to them when it comes to anything sexual? :nono2:

[miz_wright]

This is worthy of discussion on how we are percieved as an industry by some women.

I was innocently looking for Christmas present ideas on his computer. Literally, I was typing in “fireplace tools” in Google. And, as he turned to me and said hey, let’s watch this show together, I knew I had to quit. Me, being the Web geek that I am, immediately went to his Web history to erase my clues. That’s when I found it: a full history of porn sites. How did I know? Well, let’s just say the terms were a bit revealing. Shocked, I clicked on one. Password protected. Wow, not even just porn history, but registered porn history, credit-card-paid-subscription porn history. My stomach sank.
[big ol' redaction for space]

The rest of the paranoia here (http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22084/24225/2)

So, OK. I know I'm hardly your standard woman ('cos, clearly, I am SO MUCH MORE, amiriteguyz?), but COME ON. What woman, in today's society, really believes her partner is NOT looking at porn?

Frankly, the thing that I don't understand about it - more than anything else - is why anyone would be hacked off at the idea that his/her partner masturbates. I mean... Logically speaking, isn't it a helluva lot better to have your partner beat off in your livin room than get some freaky on a corner?

In all fairness, this chick did pony up to the fact that people need to have things that are private, even within a realtionship. And she did actually talk to her honey about it and create open communication. So I have to give her props for that - even if her initial reaction was pretty ninny-rific.

[TheEnforcer]

I make no bones about the fact that I want a freak in bed. :okthumb:

If a girl can't at least watch and enjoy a movie like Hidden Obsessions, which is STILL a great porn movie even today witht hat ice dildo scene, then she ain't worth dating. :thumbdown

[bluemoney]

I agree, if a chick can't dig an Andrew Blake porn film pass her by :okthumb:

[spazlabz]

years ago my wife caught me playing some hockey to a porno VHS tape


is was a very GOOD thing :)


spaz

[TheEnforcer]

I agree, if a chick can't dig an Andrew Blake porn film pass her by :okthumb:

:okthumb:

[sarettah]

I never get high on my own supply....:blink:

[miz_wright]

:okthumb:

... no one has any thoughts on the article itself?

[Toby]

... no one has any thoughts on the article itself?"Don't think, it can only hurt the ball club." - Crash Davis


OK, time to get serious for a bit...

What woman, in today's society, really believes her partner is NOT looking at porn?OK, let me preface the following by saying that I've not been in a serious relationship since my divorce almost 10 years ago (I know, I need to get out more) so I may be a little out of touch with "today's society". However, I think the author of the article is far more open minded than most girlfriends/wives. I also think damn few guys would openly and honestly discuss the topic if confronted by their wife/girlfriend. I believe that kind of communication is the exception rather than the rule. Am I right or wrong?

[ScreaM]

years ago my wife caught me playing some hockey to a porno VHS tape


is was a very GOOD thing :)


spaz
Tell me you made a video that day. :D

[gonzo]

"Don't think, it can only hurt the ball club." - Crash Davis


OK, time to get serious for a bit...

OK, let me preface the following by saying that I've not been in a serious relationship since my divorce almost 10 years ago (I know, I need to get out more) so I may be a little out of touch with "today's society". However, I think the author of the article is far more open minded than most girlfriends/wives. I also think damn few guys would openly and honestly discuss the topic if confronted by their wife/girlfriend. I believe that kind of communication is the exception rather than the rule. Am I right or wrong?


Jerry would...

[spazlabz]

Tell me you made a video that day. :D
GROSS!! You wanna see my stack-o-pennies!! hahahaha :yowsa:


spaz

[Toby]

Jerry would...I'm happy for him :wnw:

[miz_wright]

"Don't think, it can only hurt the ball club." - Crash Davis


OK, time to get serious for a bit...

OK, let me preface the following by saying that I've not been in a serious relationship since my divorce almost 10 years ago (I know, I need to get out more) so I may be a little out of touch with "today's society". However, I think the author of the article is far more open minded than most girlfriends/wives. I also think damn few guys would openly and honestly discuss the topic if confronted by their wife/girlfriend. I believe that kind of communication is the exception rather than the rule. Am I right or wrong?

No, I think you're (sadly) probably right. Honest communication is (in my opinion) one of the biggest roadblocks in most relationships - there tends not to be a standard of honesty with ourselves, generally, which makes it that much more difficult to be honest with our partners. As I noted in my response, ultimately, I have to give the author props for recognising that everyone is entitled to things that aren't necessarily for both parties in the relatioinship. In this case, porn. In other cases, it might be football. Either way - it's something sometimes best experienced alone, 'cos it's not your partner's cuppa.

[EmporerEJ]

No, I think you're (sadly) probably right. Honest communication is (in my opinion) one of the biggest roadblocks in most relationships - there tends not to be a standard of honesty with ourselves, generally, which makes it that much more difficult to be honest with our partners. As I noted in my response, ultimately, I have to give the author props for recognising that everyone is entitled to things that aren't necessarily for both parties in the relatioinship. In this case, porn. In other cases, it might be football. Either way - it's something sometimes best experienced alone, 'cos it's not your partner's cuppa.

I think the problem is more basic than that. And one I wish I understood more from the female side of things (For marketing purposes.) For men, masturbation is hard wired in. Genetically, men are driven to "spread the seed" as much as possible. Men conquer and copulate. Women nurture and nest.
Visual stimulation is just what men crave when the actual act isn't available every 20 minutes. (Fortunately for our collective businesses.)
Women mis-interpret this as some form of cheating, when for men, it's mostly a mechanical requirement. There is no emotional attachment to it. With women playing head games (no pun intended) to get access to sex, men simply follow the path of least resistance.
(Which is precisely why I have a bright future)

[miz_wright]

I think the problem is more basic than that. And one I wish I understood more from the female side of things (For marketing purposes.) For men, masturbation is hard wired in. Genetically, men are driven to "spread the seed" as much as possible. Men conquer and copulate. Women nurture and nest.
Visual stimulation is just what men crave when the actual act isn't available every 20 minutes. (Fortunately for our collective businesses.)
Women mis-interpret this as some form of cheating, when for men, it's mostly a mechanical requirement. There is no emotional attachment to it. With women playing head games (no pun intended) to get access to sex, men simply follow the path of least resistance.
(Which is precisely why I have a bright future)

As I noted previously:
"Frankly, the thing that I don't understand about it - more than anything else - is why anyone would be hacked off at the idea that his/her partner masturbates. I mean... Logically speaking, isn't it a helluva lot better to have your partner beat off in your livin room than get some freaky on a corner?"

Because the things you cite are pretty widely known - it's not like it's a big honkin' surprise (or shouldn't be, at any rate) that dudes beat their meat to images instead of snuggles. On the other hand, I've dated guys who saw it as a blow to them when I would jill off - sometimes it's just not worth the hassle of dealing with another person's hangups.

Then again, as I also mentioned previously, I realise I am not cut of the same cloth as most American women.

[EmporerEJ]

As I noted previously:
"Frankly, the thing that I don't understand about it - more than anything else - is why anyone would be hacked off at the idea that his/her partner masturbates. I mean... Logically speaking, isn't it a helluva lot better to have your partner beat off in your livin room than get some freaky on a corner?"

Because the things you cite are pretty widely known - it's not like it's a big honkin' surprise (or shouldn't be, at any rate) that dudes beat their meat to images instead of snuggles. On the other hand, I've dated guys who saw it as a blow to them when I would jill off - sometimes it's just not worth the hassle of dealing with another person's hangups.

Then again, as I also mentioned previously, I realize I am not cut of the same cloth as most American women.

Clearly, you are a "man's woman." It would be nice if more women had your attitude. I dated one once that was turned on by watching Gay porn. (Didn't bother me, I was facing the other way at the time and concentrating on my "snack.")
Personally, I would find it stimulating to watch a girl "jill off." (Is that really the slang for that?) Just as I feel two girls together is about the most intoxicating thing I could possibly be part of.
I heard many men are intimidated by this but still talk a good game.
people are funny.....that's for sure. But catering to their idiosyncrasies can be profitable.

[miz_wright]

Clearly, you are a "man's woman." It would be nice if more women had your attitude. I dated one once that was turned on by watching Gay porn. (Didn't bother me, I was facing the other way at the time and concentrating on my "snack.")
Personally, I would find it stimulating to watch a girl "jill off." (Is that really the slang for that?) Just as I feel two girls together is about the most intoxicating thing I could possibly be part of.
I heard many men are intimidated by this but still talk a good game.
people are funny.....that's for sure. But catering to their idiosyncrasies can be profitable.

Well, I'm pretty sure no other het man in America thinks that two chicks together is hot... Oh, wait a minute ;)

I dunno if it's common slang, but it's the phrase I use - gets the point across nicely, I think :whistling