Parents in Adult - Seminar Follow Up

[nastyboy]

First, I would like to thank everyone who attended the Parents in Adult (http://www.parentsinadult.com) Seminar at Internext. I would also like to thank AVN for the forum.

I believe Darklady adequately summarized the seminar when she wrote “... the Potoski’s, along with fellow PIA members Dr. John Pappas, Blake Tsai, Brad Bannon, Lori Z and Jason Tucker, addressed a small but keenly interested crowd during the first day of Internext Seminars. The panel discussed their personal and professional experiences dealing with DSS, family members, society at large – and their own internal issues or guilt or shame”. More Here (http://www.ynot.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=news_article&sid=10092)


This one paragraph, coupled with bits and pieces from her article highlighted both our strengths and needs:



The need for a resource like Parents in Adult is timely and relevant.
I have my work cut out for me ensuring that people both know about and can easily utilize the resources found within the PIA website.
There is a general lack of legal information available specifically to parents working in our industry.
The psychologists are going to play a key role in the evolution of PIA.
In order for PIA to truly help it is going to require the active participation of both our staff and parents in every facet of our industry.
The first major update to the Parents in Adult website will take place on January 25, 2006 and specifically address the questions raised at the seminar as well as updating our sponsors page. We will be updating the site every two weeks and look forward to your involvement as well as learning from you how PIA can be of service.

[Sabby]

Do you guys have anything online?? Chatboards.. chatrooms.. ???

I been through alot of shit with friends/neighbors/teachers/kids friends parents...

All I can say is... if you make enough money...

they all will shut up.

Then they will all just talk about your money... not about how you got it :)


Sabby:flash:

[gonzo]

Oprano supports Parents in Adult with a banner in rotation here.

http://www.parentsinadult.com

Nice clearinghouse for information inclusive of a messageboard.

[Carrie]

"The psychologists are going to play a key role in the evolution of PIA."

How, exactly? I don't like psychologists nor their message in general. Biting my lip from saying anything further, because perhaps you've found a couple that don't subscribe to what the majority does these days.

[Carrie]

Guys, I appreciate what you're doing, but I think you're going about it the wrong way.
If allegations are made against you
You will be contacted typically anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 years after the investigation has begun.
You will be told nothing, and you will be treated like a criminal. You will be presumed guilty.
The first contact will be when CPS comes, usually at night, to pull children from your home
Or you may be called in to the police department and still told nothing
You will feel totally isolated.
Everyone will hesitate to support you, even your closest friends and family.
We're here to help.
I haven't heard fear-mongering like that since a few years ago when I met with Chris Klicka, one of the founding members of HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association). He had my mother nearly in tears thinking the police and CPS were going to be waiting at the door to take her grandkids when we got home from the homeschooling convention we were attending.
Fear-mongering is NOT the way to gain members who will trust you and the information you're handing out.

"PIA does NOT share personal information with ANYONE, period."
You can't guarantee that. One subpeona is all it would take and everyone's information would be open for view. Given the nature of what we're talking about here and who would be signing up for this site, that database would be a prime target for prosecuting attorneys.

I mis-spoke. That database WILL be a prime target for prosecuting attorneys.

[nastyboy]

"The psychologists are going to play a key role in the evolution of PIA."

How, exactly? I don't like psychologists nor their message in general. Biting my lip from saying anything further, because perhaps you've found a couple that don't subscribe to what the majority does these days.

LOL! In general, I dont like them either :) I'm not sure what you mean by what the majority subscribe to? However, nearly all of the questions we had an interresting underlying truth..many parents working in the adult industry experience varying levels of guilt, shame etc for what they do...

These issues are far beyond Brandi's or my ability to help..other than being a listening ear.

Additionally, advice on how to heal broken relationships within a family or questions such as "at what age do I tell my children" are better answered by a professional than me :okthumb:

Thats precisely why we developed PIA..as a resource..Something to help...nothing more..nothing less.

[Carrie]

"I'm not sure what you mean by what the majority subscribe to?"

Basically the "do what feels good right now" line of thinking. Destroys a lot of things. Families, most importantly, and with them the base structure of society.

And don't knock what you can do... sometimes a listening ear is the most precious commodity and all that's needed. :okthumb:

[nastyboy]

Guys, I appreciate what you're doing, but I think you're going about it the wrong way.

I haven't heard fear-mongering like that since a few years ago when I met with Chris Klicka, one of the founding members of HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association). He had my mother nearly in tears thinking the police and CPS were going to be waiting at the door to take her grandkids when we got home from the homeschooling convention we were attending.
Fear-mongering is NOT the way to gain members who will trust you and the information you're handing out.

"PIA does NOT share personal information with ANYONE, period."
You can't guarantee that. One subpeona is all it would take and everyone's information would be open for view. Given the nature of what we're talking about here and who would be signing up for this site, that database would be a prime target for prosecuting attorneys.

I mis-spoke. That database WILL be a prime target for prosecuting attorneys.

Hey Carrie. Certainly appreciate your thoughts on this and also realize that there will be those who wont utilize the resources because of the registration. It's a serious catch 22 for us. There are sensitive issues being discussed. Without some level of safeguard anyone would be able to access the boards etc...but we are always open to suggestions.

As far as fear mongering..2 things:

1) CPS did try to take our daughter and it was scary
2) Fear can be a powerful motivator. I think some people have the wrong idea about why we started this. It's not about traffic..not about money...we do just fine. Its about ensuring people get informed and get help. Based upon the Seminar a little fear might not be a bad thing.

Lastly, we aren't closed minded people here LOL! If you have a thought or idea that will help PIA serve you better I'm all ears. Matter of fact, I sincerely appreciate this post and hope you'll hit me up to discuss. Keep in mind... what we know and are good at is paysites...This type of thing is new for us and I'm not above learning or changing the site :okthumb:

[Carrie]

Wow. Reading the AVN article (following a link from PIA's front page) about what happened to Chris and Brandi, I was amazed to see this:
"Spreading the "Good" word
Why would someone’s parents simply let him or her raise their own children, especially if that person is a dirty, filthy pornographer? Why not try to ruin their lives? After all, that’s the Christian thing to do. "

How utterly insulting and bigoted. Especially after the author had just talked about how Chris and Brandi are church-going people. Does the author think that no one in adult is Christian? That perhaps being in the adult industry excludes you somehow from being Christian?

I know a lot of folks in the industry who are Christian -many who post here on this board. I think the editors at AVN should take a little more time to proofread the articles before they post/print them. That quote is just outrageous.
(You guys probably kicked this around already while I was off in mommyland this summer.)

Article here:
http://avnonline.com/index.php?Primary_Navigation=Editorial&Action=View_Article&Content_ID=232070

[nastyboy]

"I'm not sure what you mean by what the majority subscribe to?"

Basically the "do what feels good right now" line of thinking. Destroys a lot of things. Families, most importantly, and with them the base structure of society.

And don't knock what you can do... sometimes a listening ear is the most precious commodity and all that's needed. :okthumb:

Hehehe...considering my wife and I are church going swingers who own an adult company...I'm not sure you and I will see eye to eye on the psychologists involvement...and thats OK :okthumb:

I do appeciate your thoughts on the site and hope you'll hit me up!

[nastyboy]

Wow. Reading the AVN article (following a link from PIA's front page) about what happened to Chris and Brandi, I was amazed to see this:
"Spreading the "Good" word
Why would someone’s parents simply let him or her raise their own children, especially if that person is a dirty, filthy pornographer? Why not try to ruin their lives? After all, that’s the Christian thing to do. "

How utterly insulting and bigoted. Especially after the author had just talked about how Chris and Brandi are church-going people. Does the author think that no one in adult is Christian? That perhaps being in the adult industry excludes you somehow from being Christian?

I know a lot of folks in the industry who are Christian -many who post here on this board. I think the editors at AVN should take a little more time to proofread the articles before they post/print them. That quote is just outrageous.
(You guys probably kicked this around already while I was off in mommyland this summer.)

Article here:
http://avnonline.com/index.php?Primary_Navigation=Editorial&Action=View_Article&Content_ID=232070

Carrie my dear LOL! you missed the sarcasm :yowsa:...thats what our parents...and generally society says about us...not AVN

[Carrie]

Chris,
I hear what you're saying. I just think maybe the banner might work better with the word "if" instead of "will" repeated over and over. After all, this won't happen with every parent, but you're making it seem as if it will. It's just a matter of time.
Truthfully though, the number of parents who go through this kind of horror are very low compared to the number of parents in adult overall. It's good to be prepared, but not good to live in fear. Know what I mean?

The catch-22 is a real kicker. I've been sitting here for the past hour going back and forth about that very subject. The required sign-up info connects a person's full name with their site and company information, along with their town and state. Risky info to put into a site like this. But on the other hand, it's less info than what sponsors ask you to hand over and their databases can be subpeonead (sp?) as well.

I wish you guys hadn't had to go through this, and didn't have to continue going through this. I suppose at this point even moving to another state wouldn't help, it would just start the process all over with a new CPS team hearing your parents' allegations for the first time. :(

[nastyboy]

Chris,
I hear what you're saying. I just think maybe the banner might work better with the word "if" instead of "will" repeated over and over. After all, this won't happen with every parent, but you're making it seem as if it will. It's just a matter of time.
Truthfully though, the number of parents who go through this kind of horror are very low compared to the number of parents in adult overall. It's good to be prepared, but not good to live in fear. Know what I mean?

The catch-22 is a real kicker. I've been sitting here for the past hour going back and forth about that very subject. The required sign-up info connects a person's full name with their site and company information, along with their town and state. Risky info to put into a site like this. But on the other hand, it's less info than what sponsors ask you to hand over and their databases can be subpeonead (sp?) as well.



I wish you guys hadn't had to go through this, and didn't have to continue going through this. I suppose at this point even moving to another state wouldn't help, it would just start the process all over with a new CPS team hearing your parents' allegations for the first time. :(

Thanks Carrie. Here is the thing...we think it happens less often than it does...the reality is we have recieved well over 500 emails since November one story after another.... being forced out of their neighborhood, children being kicked out of private schools..ex husbands / wives filing for custody based on the others involvement with the industry.

Also bear in mind that when I say industry I mean the entire industry..Book/novelty store owners, dancers and club owners, video producers and models etc etc.

I'm actually thankful we went through this. We hired the best attorneys,went to court and were vindicated. DSS found no cause for any of the allegations..the family was warned by the courts and the DA said we are so far on the right side of obscenity we would never be proscecuted.

And here is where I part ways with many in the industry..and I can live with that...I am absolutely willing to fight for what is right...even if it means jail. I have a hard time swallowing only one part of your message... (and that doesn't make us enemies just different ;))

"Truthfully though, the number of parents who go through this kind of horror are very low compared to the number of parents in adult overall. It's good to be prepared, but not good to live in fear. Know what I mean?"

I believe this type of thinking will lead us down a dangerous path...apathy. and one parent is one too many.