JR
06-27-2005, 01:29 AM
i was fighting with my girlfriend once when i was 17. she missunderstood something i said and then as i concluded the conversation by saying things like "i'm done, its over, i'm going to end it right now" meaning that we were breaking up and i was through with the drama..., i hung up on her.
she apparently thought i was threatening to kill myself. (in her defense, i already knew she was not real bright as i had once witnessed her attempt to lick a hot skillet that she had just used to cook with - so i should share the blame)
anyway she does not have the chance to say anthing before i hang up. the male ego being what it is, left me with a deep feeling of satisfaction hearing her last words be "oh god,.. .please don't do it"
so, the phone rings several times and i dont answer it. then it rings and i finally pick it up to tell her to stop calling me... BUT its her dad. i did not even know the guy and suddenly he's all "hey buddy, how are you doin' " and so on. It was really weird. i broke up with this girl... her dad calls me back in a minute or so asking how i am doing and asking me if i want to talk about it and wanting to know how i was feeling and if i was ok. i was at a complete loss for words. i tell his baby girl to get fucked and he becomes my new best friend in less than 90 seconds.
i am shocked and completely baffled.
The next thing i know... i see faces looking into my windows (at 1am). I am really startled but i soothed myself thinking that i have obviously made the jump to a parallel universe or something. it briefly occured to me that had I studied physics more attentively, i might have a chance to get back to my own universe. then... i take a look around and notice a different face in several different windows and one at the door.
after a second or two of thinking "oh fuck it... this can't get any weirder", I realized they were all cops.
apparently, while her father "stalled" me hoping he could save my life by becoming my new best friend... while my now ex-girlfriend called police and told them i was threatening suicide. BUT --- i still had no idea what was going on. think about it... first her dad who i did not even know is telling me telling me weird shit like sometimes men cry and its ok, telling me about high school football stories and about his love life etc - completely out of the blue, leaving me with the conclusion that for some reason he chose this moment and me of all people to come out of the closet and he is about to tell me that he likes the cock... the next thing i know, 5 cops are wanting to come in the house late at night.
so one officer cracked the front door and asked if they could come in and of course, i said yes. he then asked if i had any weapons and i said no.... so i am a little weirded out now and I am waiting for them to tell me that some family member was killed or tell me the neighbor shot his wife or something.
Instead.... they all came in and sat around me with deeply sympathetic looks on their faces, asking me how i am doing, putting their hands on my shoulders telling me life was hard etc etc etc. I realized at this point that obviously someone related to me was killed. but i can't find the words to ask what is going on. i just quietly wait for them to spit it out. i can still hear her the dad voice talking on the phone because he has not realized i sat the phone down... and am patiently waiting 5 cops who are about to tell me at any second that my life is going to be completely turned upside down with tragedy.
i am so baffled and in shock at everything that i can't even talk. i am just waiting for them to drop the bomb. i keep waiting for something to be said that will suddenly make sense of everything. they start lecturing me on the difficulties of life, sometimes life is not fair etc etc etc etc. finally, i am like "what the hell is going on... what happened" and they keep answering with crap like "sure son, i know you are confused.. blah blah" - "lets just talk for a while and you will feel better". i am thinking "ok, this is a weird approach... it sounds like some sort of double or triple reverse psychology game... but they are professionals, so i should give them a chance"
it went on for well over an hour with me thinking they were about to tell me my dad died in a tragic midget fisting accident but did not know how to say it. i mean, i could understand that it would be a little awkward... so i was patiently hoping they would find the words.
after around 1 hour, one of them finally asks me why i thought suicide was the answer. i am thinking "what the fuck! they have not even told me the bad news yet and already i am on suicide watch and being analyzed by some hillbilly state police in backwoods Alaska". it was only then that i asked them what the hell was going on and they told me my girlfriend called the police. we all had a good laugh when we realized what happened because it was such a long, and awkward situation for everyone.
Kinda funny. i pretty much forgot about it until now. thought i would share.
she apparently thought i was threatening to kill myself. (in her defense, i already knew she was not real bright as i had once witnessed her attempt to lick a hot skillet that she had just used to cook with - so i should share the blame)
anyway she does not have the chance to say anthing before i hang up. the male ego being what it is, left me with a deep feeling of satisfaction hearing her last words be "oh god,.. .please don't do it"
so, the phone rings several times and i dont answer it. then it rings and i finally pick it up to tell her to stop calling me... BUT its her dad. i did not even know the guy and suddenly he's all "hey buddy, how are you doin' " and so on. It was really weird. i broke up with this girl... her dad calls me back in a minute or so asking how i am doing and asking me if i want to talk about it and wanting to know how i was feeling and if i was ok. i was at a complete loss for words. i tell his baby girl to get fucked and he becomes my new best friend in less than 90 seconds.
i am shocked and completely baffled.
The next thing i know... i see faces looking into my windows (at 1am). I am really startled but i soothed myself thinking that i have obviously made the jump to a parallel universe or something. it briefly occured to me that had I studied physics more attentively, i might have a chance to get back to my own universe. then... i take a look around and notice a different face in several different windows and one at the door.
after a second or two of thinking "oh fuck it... this can't get any weirder", I realized they were all cops.
apparently, while her father "stalled" me hoping he could save my life by becoming my new best friend... while my now ex-girlfriend called police and told them i was threatening suicide. BUT --- i still had no idea what was going on. think about it... first her dad who i did not even know is telling me telling me weird shit like sometimes men cry and its ok, telling me about high school football stories and about his love life etc - completely out of the blue, leaving me with the conclusion that for some reason he chose this moment and me of all people to come out of the closet and he is about to tell me that he likes the cock... the next thing i know, 5 cops are wanting to come in the house late at night.
so one officer cracked the front door and asked if they could come in and of course, i said yes. he then asked if i had any weapons and i said no.... so i am a little weirded out now and I am waiting for them to tell me that some family member was killed or tell me the neighbor shot his wife or something.
Instead.... they all came in and sat around me with deeply sympathetic looks on their faces, asking me how i am doing, putting their hands on my shoulders telling me life was hard etc etc etc. I realized at this point that obviously someone related to me was killed. but i can't find the words to ask what is going on. i just quietly wait for them to spit it out. i can still hear her the dad voice talking on the phone because he has not realized i sat the phone down... and am patiently waiting 5 cops who are about to tell me at any second that my life is going to be completely turned upside down with tragedy.
i am so baffled and in shock at everything that i can't even talk. i am just waiting for them to drop the bomb. i keep waiting for something to be said that will suddenly make sense of everything. they start lecturing me on the difficulties of life, sometimes life is not fair etc etc etc etc. finally, i am like "what the hell is going on... what happened" and they keep answering with crap like "sure son, i know you are confused.. blah blah" - "lets just talk for a while and you will feel better". i am thinking "ok, this is a weird approach... it sounds like some sort of double or triple reverse psychology game... but they are professionals, so i should give them a chance"
it went on for well over an hour with me thinking they were about to tell me my dad died in a tragic midget fisting accident but did not know how to say it. i mean, i could understand that it would be a little awkward... so i was patiently hoping they would find the words.
after around 1 hour, one of them finally asks me why i thought suicide was the answer. i am thinking "what the fuck! they have not even told me the bad news yet and already i am on suicide watch and being analyzed by some hillbilly state police in backwoods Alaska". it was only then that i asked them what the hell was going on and they told me my girlfriend called the police. we all had a good laugh when we realized what happened because it was such a long, and awkward situation for everyone.
Kinda funny. i pretty much forgot about it until now. thought i would share.