Life is great, Life is fine...........

[Nickatilynx]

oh fuck!!!!!!

[Nickatilynx]

Originally posted by sarettah+Dec 20 2004, 11:12 AM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (sarettah @ Dec 20 2004, 11:12 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Colin@Dec 20 2004, 01:55 PM
So how many times did you think "the ghost of Ashcroft" before you found out what was going on?
Actually, no. lololol. As soon as he showed up I knew what it was about. I had been following the case somewhat through the news stories. I didn't realize that it was my projects that were in question however.

Most of what I know about the case and the people involved comes from news stories and information obtained after the company had lay offs back in July 2001, so I can honestly say I was not aware of anything going on and I am still not aware firsthand of any shady dealings and I can honestly say I did projects for the sister company but that I had nothing to do with the billing etc, because I didn't. I went down ther, worked, came back. My boss knew I was there and knew how many hours I was there or in the office working on the project(s). How it got billed was outside my sphere of influence/knowledge.

Main thing I worry about is that the only things I know about a grand jury come from that Paul Newman movie.

http://www.pitch.com/issues/2004-06-10/news/stline.html [/b][/quote]
TELL IT TO THE JUDGE...



err jury.



;-))))


Dealing with officialdom always freaks a person out , but you "didn't do nuttin"

So enjoy it as best you can.

:)

Colin,

LOL

I would have been worried that my site ass-pounded-nuns-gangbanged-by-nazi-stormtroopers.com pushed the envelope a tad. ;-)))

[sarettah]

Come home last Wednesday, Jen tells me there is a message on the answering machine mentioning something about a subpoena.

So, I listen to the message and it sounded like bullshit to me, like a come on trying to get me to call back the number. I go downstairs to take care of my evening computer shit and a little while later I hear yakking from outside the basement window, like someone is at our door talking to Jen. I go upstairs and it's a fucking FBI agent and Jen looks at me and says that the message wasn't a joke.

The FBI agent says he was on his way home so he decided to drop the subpoena by in person (Nice folks at the FBI apparently). So, he delivers to me a subpoena to appear before a grand jury. I'm like what the fuck ? He proceeds to ask me a couple of questions that at least clued me in to what it's about.

In conjunction with a pretty big mob case in New York, they think one of my previous employers was helping to do a little money cleaning between the company I worked for and a sister company and they say that my name is all over the billing invoices as having done programming for the sister company, so they want me to come in and talk to the nice folk at the Grand Jury to tell them what I know about it.

When the FBI guy is leaving he turns to me and says "If I don't see you before then, have a great holiday". I better not see him before Christmas dammit.

So, I contact my former employer and they give me a lawyer to call. Next day I call the lawyer, he informs me that me former boss has immunity and that if he represents me it might be a "conflict of interest". I tell him that my former boss told me to call him. He says, ok, I'll get back to you. Still haven't heard from the snake. Called my lawyer (Free speech guy, not a criminal lawyer) and he tells me that he will nose around and see what's up and whether he thinks I need to go grab a criminal guy or not.

In the meantime, on the subpoena is a note to contact so and so to arrange a conference. I make that call and hear what the prosecuting attorney has to say and basically, what they are wanting me for is information.

Problem is, I have no real information other than to say that yes I was employed by them and yes I did programming projects for the sister company. Prosecutor sounded like he wanted to know how many hours I programmed at the sister compeny. I'm like, I don't know maybe a couple of thousand hours, maybe a few hundred. It was 4 fucking years ago and I remember I did projects for the sister company but I honestly could not tell you how long they took, there have been many many many projects I have been involved in in the time since then.

So, looks like I am gonna be in front of a grand jury in early January to testify about a bunch of shit that I don't remember.

What a way to start a new year :(

[sarettah]

Originally posted by Nickatilynx@Dec 20 2004, 12:54 PM
oh fuck!!!!!!
Understatement ?

[Bishop]

Originally posted by sarettah+Dec 20 2004, 01:47 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (sarettah @ Dec 20 2004, 01:47 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Nickatilynx@Dec 20 2004, 12:54 PM
oh fuck!!!!!!
Understatement ? [/b][/quote]

oh fucking fuck!!!

[Forest]

just tell them

"I did not have sex with that woman"

B)

[Peaches]

I went through this a couple of years ago. Had both the FBI and IRS interviewing me at my house and had to go to DC for a deposition and another one here in ATL. Not fun, but as long as you weren't the one who did anything, it's a breeze :) Plus I got a free trip to DC :P

[Almighty Colin]

So how many times did you think "the ghost of Ashcroft" before you found out what was going on?

[Dravyk]

Eeeeesh!

But it could be worse. Agree with Peaches. You say your spiel and you go.

Sounds like quite an annoyance, but nothing to actually worry about.

Or to put it another way, you're on the "right" side of the supoena: They're not after you.

[sarettah]

Originally posted by Colin@Dec 20 2004, 01:55 PM
So how many times did you think "the ghost of Ashcroft" before you found out what was going on?
Actually, no. lololol. As soon as he showed up I knew what it was about. I had been following the case somewhat through the news stories. I didn't realize that it was my projects that were in question however.

Most of what I know about the case and the people involved comes from news stories and information obtained after the company had lay offs back in July 2001, so I can honestly say I was not aware of anything going on and I am still not aware firsthand of any shady dealings and I can honestly say I did projects for the sister company but that I had nothing to do with the billing etc, because I didn't. I went down ther, worked, came back. My boss knew I was there and knew how many hours I was there or in the office working on the project(s). How it got billed was outside my sphere of influence/knowledge.

Main thing I worry about is that the only things I know about a grand jury come from that Paul Newman movie.

http://www.pitch.com/issues/2004-06-10/news/stline.html

[Nickatilynx]

Sarettah: That means that I am a programmer and a programming quote is always "Two weeks", just ask anyone that has ever gottem a programming quote.

I'd already be screaming from the gallery

GIVE HIM 20 YEARS!!


always "two weeks"

fuckers!!!!

[sarettah]

This is why I will end up in jail:

Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god ?

Sarettah: Which god ?

Bailiff (looking confused): I think you know what I mean.

Sarettah: Ok, I was just having fun with you man. Chill dude. Yeah, I swear all that shit...err, excuse me, I mean stuff.

Prosecutor: Please state your name for the record.

Sarettah: Sarettah

Prosecutor: Ok Mr. Sarettah, were you an employee of underhand data center ?

Sarettah: Yeppirs, great gig. Loved it there.

Prosecutor: While you were an underhanded employee did you have occassion to meet a Mr. Kenneth Matza Ball ?

Sarettah: Can't say I did.

Prosecutor: Please answer Yes or No.

Sarettah: Yes or No.

Prosecutor (looking pissed): Would you please answer the question ?

Sarettah: Um, what was the question again?

Prosecutor: While you were an underhanded employee did you have occassion to meet a Mr. Kenneth Matza Ball ?

Sarettah: Not that I am aware of.

Prosecutor: While you were an underhanded employee, did you have occassion to work on any "projects" for mamacass ?

Sarettah: Yeppirs.

Prosecutor: What kind of projects did you work on for MamCass.

Sarettah: Well, let's see. When I first started at Underhand, I was assigned a project for MamCass that was to write a program to read report information from their telephone switching unit, parse the text of the report out and package it into an excel wrapper for use by employees of MamaCass.

Prosecutor: I see. For the record, what is a program ?

Sarettah: A thing you watch on TV ?

Prosecutor (under his breath.. 2 million comediens out of work and he's trying to break in)

Prosecutor: Mr. Sarettah, how would you like to see what the inside of a prison looks like.

Sarettah: I sowwy.

Prosecutor: Now, for the record, what is a computer program.

Sarettah: A computer program is a set of step by step instructions for a computer to perform, your majesty.

Prosecutor: The Majesty is not required, your Highness will do nicely.

Sarettah: Yes, your HindAss.

Prosecutor (glaring fiercely): Mr Sarettah, could you tell us what MamCass's telephone swithching unit did ?

Sarettah: I have no idea.

Prosecutor: How did you write a program to read it if you have no idea what it does.

Sarettah: Data is data dude. I write programs that read data and then crunch it, modify it, repackage it and turn it into useful information. I don't necessarilly need to know the source of the data to perform the necessary functions against the data.

Prosecutor: How much time did you spend working on the MamaCass project.

Sarettah: Hmm, hard to say. I started it at underhanded offices with print outs that someone from MamaCass had brought up, then I went down to MamaCass and worked on site some. I don't know, a thousand hours or so, give or take 999 hours.

Prosecutor: You can't refine it any more than that ?

Sarettah: Man, I'm trying dude, but it was like 4 years agao man. I don't have quite the same number of memory cells that I used to have.

Prosecutor: If you had to quote that project, with the information you now know, how long would you say it would take.

Sarettah: Oh, thats an easy one. Two weeks.

Prosecutor: But you just said that you might have 1000 hours in it ?

Sarettah: Yeppir

Prosecutor: So, you now think you could complete that project in two weeks ?

Sarettah: I didn't say that.

Prosecutor: You said you would quote two weeks.

Sarettah: Yes I did.

Prosecutor: So you are claiming that you could write that program in two weeks, right ?

Sarettah: No, I am not.

Prosecutor (getting visibly angry): Then what the hell are you saying.

Sarettah: I am saying that I would quote it at two weeks.

Prosecutor: And that means ?

Sarettah: That means that I am a programmer and a programming quote is always "Two weeks", just ask anyone that has ever gottem a programming quote.



(to be continued when I get to my homeoffice a little later)

[sarettah]

Three weeks tops...

I promise.

Trust me :groucho:

[Vick]

sarettah - that dialog is hilarious!

I always like to add "to the best of knowledge" and "I can't recall"

(to be followed with I didn't do it & the checks in the mail) I never tell that 3rd infamous lie