a journey into the genius that is forest

[Mary34D]

Article:

http://www.viagraxonline.com/forest/



http://www.pleasurelabs.com/pics/forest_bush.jpg


http://www.pleasurelabs.com/pics/forbes_forest.jpg

[Mary34D]

From child prodigy to billionaire playboy
Forest, the life story of the web's richest entrepeneur.
I was born on a warm sunny day in Cleveland in our beautiful country home on the Cleveland Mobi-Mansion Estate. This upscale neighborhood was in the vicinity of a beautiful forest and since this forest is where my mother conceived of me I was given the name Forest.

My mother was a beautiful woman, she worked every night in the forest I was named after. This forest was always exciting and enjoyable at night with beautiful women parading alongside a curvy drive and luxurious cars would slowly cruise by and occasionally pull over so the driver could complement the women on their stylish attire.

Because my mother was always so busy at night and slept during the day I was mostly by myself and at a young age I had plenty of time to develop my intellect and work ahead on my homework, so much so that I was only 9 when I graduated a Valedictorian at Exeter Prep school, winnng the Proda Prize awarded to the most promising high school student pursuing a career in technology. After that I went for a Simultaneous Bachelor's and Master's degrees at MIT in Mechanical engineering which I both successfully completed at the age of 11 and enrolled at the Center for Computational Research in Economics and Management Science. I was awarded a Thornton Marshall Scholarship at the age of 13 and cross enrolled at Harvard where I studied Entrepreneurial Marketing under the world renowned Joseph Lassimiter. At the age of 15 I scored a PhD in Information Technology from Cal Tech and worked at The Center for Integrative Multiscale Modeling and Simulation in between school classes to make some extra beer money on the side.

My initial interest for the Internet was cultivated during the 80's. I had programmed a simple document viewer that could interpret a very basic markup language which enabled me to link documents together by "hyper linking" references in one document to another. I had a buddy called Tim Berners-Lee working at CERN in Switzerland who was really excited about this innovative concept. I suggested that scientists could make all their documents accessible through an international computer network providing scientists with a convenient interface to browse the research documents of their colleagues. Tim suggested that a little known network called the "Internet" would be very suitable for my concept so we got together and put together a proposal in 1989 that outlined the initial concept of the World Wide Web, or WWW for short.

We launched the WWW in 1991, initially it was used only by scientists but when in 1993 the NCSA released its PC and Macintosh versions of the WWW browser the web became accessible to normal computers users and in late 1994 the WWW really took off.

While all the scientists and geeks where busy exchanging their research data I had the idea in 1993 to put pictures of nude girls online so that I could charge people for it. I knew I had a winner because many people are simply too embarrassed to buy their porn in an adult store. I registered the domain name SEX.COM and started working on the web's first adult site. When my site was ready for uploading I realized I couldn't access the domain anymore and when I checked with InterNIC it turned out a person called Gary Kremen now owned the domain. Gary Kremen had forged the domain transfer papers and stolen the domain from me. Needless to say I hired Johnnie Cochran and took Gary too court. Normally this would have been an open and shut case but when it was time for the judge to announce his verdict Gary Kremen had transferred the domain to Stephen Cohen and claimed that Cohen had stolen it from him and was thus unable to return SEX.COM to its true and rightful owner, Forest Williams. The following legal battles between Kremen and Cohen were just a thinly veiled attempt to cover up the true reason for the transfer to Cohen.

I decided that Kremen and Cohen's childish games were beneath me and chose to move on rather than sink to their level. SEX.COM is a nice domain and all but it just wasn't worth it. I went with SEXWITHFOREST.COM instead because i figured with both the pulling power of Forest Williams and "sex", it would be like a double whammy! When I put up SEXWITHFOREST.COM it turned out to be a major traffic magnet, I got at least 20 million type-ins a day. Because more is always better I started buying traffic too. To get more traffic I founded a coalition of webmasters which I coined Cream Of The Adult Crop a.k.a. COTAC. COTAC included Me, Serge, Joe Holler, Robin Nixon, DebofTheWeb, NightLifer, and Davic. Some of the smaller guys in COTAC, notably Serge and Joe, were complaining that they were sending more traffic than they were being paid for so to avoid a disagreement over click counts I brainstormed and came up with a click through program which paid two cents per click. The program utilized full automation of the sign up process and stats. Shortly after I put up Forest Cash some newbie's called Al Hadhazy and Ron Levi copied my idea and they started Click Cash and Fast Cash. Needless to say they both failed miserably and to cover up their defeat they both went on to claim that they were the original inventors of the click through program.

Some time after I launched Forest Cash I had an idea which could double my traffic, when someone visited my website I would not show him ONE Forest site, I would show him TWO Forest sites at the same time, so my visitors would not just get to see SEXWITHFOREST.COM but also XXXFOREST.COM popping up in a new window, a Forest-Window. To achieve this I developed a simple scripting language and called it ForestScript! I called up my buddy over at Netscape and asked him to add ForestScript to their next browser release so I could implement my Forest-Window idea. The Netscape executives loved it but some pencil pusher in marketing argued that Java was such a popular catch word in those days that Netscape could benefit by renaming ForestScript to JavaScript. It was an incredibly lame move by Netscape but eventually the board of directors decided to go with JavaScript. I wasn't happy about the name but at least the inclusion of ForestScript in their next browser release enabled me to implement my Forest-Window idea.

When the next Netscape came out with JavaScript included I put Forest-Windows on both SEXWITHFOREST.COM and XXXFOREST.COM, doubling my traffic from 40 million hits a day to 80 million hits a day. It was doing GREAT until this little two-timing newbie. Robin Nixon decided to rip-off the Forest-Window and turns it into some lame link exchange service called ABC-Consoles. Not being outsmarted easily I had even more ingenious idea and that was to pop-up a Forest-Window when a surfer was leaving my website. The Exit-Forest was born doubling my traffic from 80 million to 160 million hits a day. Things were going well and business was looking good until this slime dog called Timon in a double rip-off stole my Exit-Forest idea and combined it with Robin Nixon's ABC-Consoles idea and launched the Exit-Console.

I was getting concerned about there being too much free content becoming available with the likes of Persian Kitty arriving on the scene so I developed a concept called Circular Jerkoff. The idea was to build an alliance of free site webmasters who instead of sending surfers to free pictures would send traffic to each other so that surfers would be sent into a frustrating loop of which the only exit would be to click on a paysite banner and join their site. To jumpstart the concept I started a few CJ sites myself and named them: Forests Boob Browser, Cleveland Cumbath, and Forests Utterfilth. To tie it all together I started two Top50 sites so that the CJ sites had a central page they could use for exchanging traffic, I called them Forest Dog and Forest Rods.

I made a $5000 bet with PK that Forest Dog would get more traffic than Persian Kitty and I won the bet with my eyes closed. PK didn't have the money to pay me so she started whining with Fantasyboy and talking shit about me behind my back. PK badmouthing me behind my back is what instigated the infamous Forest vs. Fantasyboy pissing match, which is still talked about today, almost 7 years later. No matter what people may tell you, the real cause of this beef was PK trying to wiggle out of this bet over Forest Dog.

That sums up how I got started in the Internet business and how I shaped the industry as we know it today. After the achievements mentioned I went on to invent TGP, TGP2, TGP3 and I am currently developing on the specification of TGP4. I also started a trend of 3rd party credit card processing under a company called ForestBill. Some other less notable innovations that are credited to my genious are webmaster chatboards (YnotForest? and ForestPond), website traffic counters (ForestCounter and Forest Side Story), as well as a large amount of successful revenue programs like Forest Revenue Service, FastForest, Traffic Forest Gold and of course MaxForest!

Some projects I will focus on in the future are:


Braille porn, a device with pins that can read pornographic images and then create a beveled surface so that blind people can feel the porn with their hands. I think porn for blind people will be a hole in the market because nobody is marketing porn to blind people at the moment.

Smell spammer, a very innovative technology that can send smell particles to someone's PC, allowing you to add smell to your home page. I think porn sites that smell like pussy are the next killer app!!!

more dumb projects

[Nickatilynx]

Obsession.........








Calvin Klein.

[gonzo]

Originally posted by Nickatilynx@Oct 19 2004, 09:33 AM
Obsession.........








Calvin Klein.
Shes always wearing Poison when shes around me.

[Cleo]

I see that old whores do end up in places besides trailer parks.

[Nickatilynx]

Originally posted by Cleo@Oct 19 2004, 06:52 AM
I see that old whores do end up in places besides trailer parks.
Leave me alone I have nothing better to do !!

Oh... ;-)))


Seriously if everyone I've fucked started posting here it would be....

Oh shit they do , this is a webmaster board.

;-)))

[Opti]

Hmm Mary,

Who's site is that?... an affiliate proggy used to run on that domain that I believe still owes me some money.. about $3345.87 last I looked.

http://www.viagraxonline.com/forest/

[Mary34D]

Originally posted by Opti@Oct 19 2004, 09:57 AM
Hmm Mary,

Who's site is that?... an affiliate proggy used to run on that domain that I believe still owes me some money.. about $3345.87 last I looked.

http://www.viagraxonline.com/forest/
everybody owes everybody it seems lately

[cj]

Mary, i've heard so many people who have met you in person say you are a really intelligent & witty woman ...

i'm obviously missing something because i just dont get you at all :unsure:

[Nickatilynx]

Originally posted by cj@Oct 19 2004, 08:07 PM


i'm obviously missing something because i just dont get you at all :unsure:
You and I are prolly the only ones...


oh forget it....


;-)))

[Cleo]

Originally posted by cj@Oct 19 2004, 11:07 PM
Mary, i've heard so many people who have met you in person say you are a really intelligent & witty woman ...

i'm obviously missing something because i just dont get you at all :unsure:
Best I can tell you need to bring your tube steak in order to know the witty fun part.

Maybe the result of a protein deficiency.

[dantheman]

Originally posted by cj@Oct 19 2004, 11:07 PM
Mary, i've heard so many people who have met you in person say you are a really intelligent & witty woman ...

i'm obviously missing something because i just dont get you at all :unsure:
CJ, she is :) BUT once you do her wrong it's that way for life

[gonzo]

Originally posted by dantheman+Oct 20 2004, 12:03 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (dantheman @ Oct 20 2004, 12:03 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-cj@Oct 19 2004, 11:07 PM
Mary, i've heard so many people who have met you in person say you are a really intelligent & witty woman ...

i'm obviously missing something because i just dont get you at all :unsure:
CJ, she is :) BUT once you do her wrong it's that way for life [/b][/quote]
Hey thats my fiance your talking about there!