HELP! I need Italian JOKES

[Forest]

I need some GREAT italian jokes for a family contest my Italiano family is hosting

please give me a hand here gang

:wnw:

[sarettah]

How do you tell a bride at an Italian wedding?
She's the one with the braided armpits.

What's the hardest job in Italy?
Riding shotgun on the garbage truck.

Whats the Italian warcry?
RETREAT

What's the shortest book ever written?
The book of Italian war heroes.

A couple is looking at prospective houses and a builder is showing them through one of his partially completed models. They get into the house and go into the living room and he shows them all the features, as they go past the windows, he says excuse me for a sec, opens the window and yells out "green side up". They then go into the dining room, he shows them the features and once again when they go past the window he excuses himself, opens the window and yells "green side up". This is repeated in virtually every exterior room of the house. When they done with the tour, the builder asks if they have any questions. The husband asks him, everytime we were near a window, you looked out and yelled "green side up", what does that mean. Builder looks at him and replies, I have a bunch of wops out there laying sod.

An italian wins the lottery and decides he is going to build his dream mansion. He purchases the land, has the house built and is in the process of decorating it. He and the decorartor are going through the house and deciding the details. At the end of the session, the Italian tells the designere and to finish it off, I want a "hello statue" in every room. The decorator writes down the request, even though he doesn't have a clue what a hello statue is. A couple of months later the house is done and the Italian and the decorator are going through on the final approval tour. The Italian looks around and then asks, "but where are the hello statues". The decorator goes to the mantle and picks up a bronze piece shaped into the word hello. He shows the italian and says "I had these custom made, arent they wonderful". The italian looks at him and says"no no no, I wanted hello statues, you know, those things that go ring ring ring and you pick them up and say "hello, Statue".

[Almighty Colin]

I know one.

Why are all Italian guys named Tony? Because on their way to Ellis Island they held up signs that said "TO NY".

[pushpills]

If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
The least hairy of the three!


This is only kind of a joke but,when I went to italy a few years back, myself and the group of students I went with were walking back to our hotel being all drunk and really noisy. We walk past the "polizea" or whatever station, and an officer starts yelling at us, in particular me, in Italian (for being noisy im assuming) anyway, I go "I don't speak Italian" and in a half Italian voice he goes "Speak English?" (obviously right?), so I said "yes" and he starts bitchin in Italian again!

[Vick]

How did your dago?

(say it you'll get it)

and it's ok for me to make that jokes seeing that I am .5 Italian

[Meat]

whats an inuendo

an italian sipository

[Forest]

Originally posted by Meat@Apr 9 2004, 02:47 PM
whats an inuendo

an italian sipository
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Great ones!!! all of them

Ill let you all know if i win

I get my name on the trophy if i win

:rokk: :rokk:

[Giuseppe]

Originally posted by sarettah@Apr 9 2004, 06:30 AM
The italian looks at him and says"no no no, I wanted hello statues, you know, those things that go ring ring ring and you pick them up and say "hello, Statue".
I don't get it ?

[Winetalk.com]

Originally posted by Forest+Apr 9 2004, 05:31 PM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Forest @ Apr 9 2004, 05:31 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteBegin--Meat@Apr 9 2004, 02:47 PM
whats an inuendo

an italian sipository
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Great ones!!! all of them

Ill let you all know if i win

I get my name on the trophy if i win

:rokk: :rokk:[/b][/quote]
hmmm....what's so great about them?
99% of them are not Italian jokes but rather american jokes about Italians.

HUGE difference.

[Mary34D]

i got a shit load....but then i realized who i'd be helping

[Mike AI]

Originally posted by Mary34D@Apr 10 2004, 04:44 PM
i got a shit load....but then i realized who i'd be helping
really? you do?
I doubt very much you ever done a real Italian
;-)))

(---Serge on Mike's computer)

[Forest]

Originally posted by Mike AI+Apr 11 2004, 07:33 AM--></span><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Mike AI @ Apr 11 2004, 07:33 AM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'><!--QuoteBegin--Mary34D@Apr 10 2004, 04:44 PM
i got a shit load....but then i realized who i'd be helping
really? you do?
I doubt very much you ever done a real Italian
;-)))

(---Serge on Mike's computer)[/b][/quote]
:biglaugh: :biglaugh: :lol: