America, We're Sorry

[DrGuile]

Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:


On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron.

He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.


:nyanya:

[Mike AI]

HAHA it must have taken the entire brain trust on Canada to come up with that list....

Just of the top of my head I could list 30 things about Canada that are funny.... But since we have gone thruogh it some many times, not need to beat a dead mounty....

:D

[DrGuile]

Originally posted by Mike AI@Feb 28 2003, 04:37 PM
HAHA it must have taken the entire brain trust on Canada to come up with that list....

Just of the top of my head I could list 30 things about Canada that are funny.... But since we have gone thruogh it some many times, not need to beat a dead mounty....

:D
Canada? FUnny? What are you talking aboot? eh?

[Mike AI]

Hey I like the selling of cheap lumber... I think Canada is a great place to harvest natural resources from... ya'll have a lot of them! :D :P :rolleyes:

I am for open markets... so dump all your lumber and anything else of value down south, we will take them!

[RawAlex]

Mike, Rick Mercer is one of those rare people that is able to find the right words to poke fun, extract laughter, and knife the victim at the same time. For a number of years, he did commentaries like these as part of this hour has 22 minutes (the show itself is a joke on an old newsmagazine from from the 60s called "the hour has seven days"). The commentaries were always give as Mercer wandered though some part of canada, usually a grimey warehouse or some back alleyway.

He often voices the quiet opinions of many.

the same show also would send one of it's "reporters" to Ottawa to attend official press conferences and ask really silly questions. One of the girls, dressed in Character, actually got our Prime Minister to take a golf lesson IN HIS OFFICE for national TV.

Check around, you might find it on a sat-dish somewhere...

Alex

[Vick]

Just as long as Canadians realize if war breaks out the only thing the US is going to protect in Canada is Strippers and Beer :yowsa: :D

[DrGuile]

Originally posted by Vick@Feb 28 2003, 05:22 PM
Just as long as Canadians realize if war breaks out the only thing the US is going to protect in Canada is Strippers and Beer :yowsa: :D
Fair is fair. eh?

[RawAlex]

Vick, I'm safe then, cuz you can usually find me under a stripper. :-)

Alex

[Carrie]

Hold on now - the terrorists don't like nekkid women. Being under a stripper might not be the safest place to hide.
Warm, soft, and scenty... but not safe... oh fuck it, what a way to go, eh?
;)

[Carrie]

Just for the record, this doesn't look like a winking smiley: ;)
It looks like a smiley who just sat on his balls the wrong way. :D

[Ironhorse]

You do what you can, you send what you can! I understand this vessel was on its way to Iraq, but there were some technical issues?

http://www.sexymojo.com/funpics/canadiannavy.jpg

[JMM]

To Canada:

Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Canada? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Sadaam and you curse the U.S.. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: That Saddam's death will save lives. And our existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want us on that wall. You need us there.

We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline.

We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain ourselves to a country who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom we provide, then questions the manner in which we provide it. We would prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, we suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, we don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

[dantheman]

Jmm nice:)

"
Son, we live in a world that has walls.
And those walls have to be guarded by men
with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You,
Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater
responsibility than you can possibly
fathom. You weep for Santiago and you
curse the marines. You have that luxury.
You have the luxury of not knowing what I
know: That Santiago's death, while tragic,
probably saved lives. And my existence,
while grotesque and incomprehensible to
you, saves lives."

[angeleyz]

What is up with all of this American-Bashing going on lately. Geez, give it a break. I'm an American--I didn't elect Bush, I have no control over if we go to war or not--I am just a person in a different geographical location than you.

[Forest]

Thats It Ive Had it with canadians

I say we we make Canada next on our Axis of Evil program and we take them over for their Breweries

FUCK OILLL We Want BEER! :nyanya:

[gigi]

Come on now....you've taken the Stanley Cup [add high percentage that I'm too lazy to look up]% of the years past......

PLEEEEEEEEEASE leave us our beer. It's all we have left to help us forget. :hic: