Mutt
12-23-2002, 03:04 AM
Men, give up pornography as a present to your wife
DAVID GUSHEE
Men, looking for the perfect Christmas present? How about giving up pornography? It's the best present you could give your wife this year.
Pornography is a cancer, spreading rapidly due to new technology and its unscrupulous application.
Many of us men grew up in the day when a certain boldness was required to get your hands on pornography. One actually had to go up to the counter of a store and ask for a magazine from the man (or woman!) behind that counter. Especially in smaller communities there was no anonymity. The cashier might actually know you or your parents. Shame and embarrassment were still a factor — in my view, a saving factor.
Today the Internet has changed the whole context of porn use. Any home wired to the Internet is a home without walls. Internet screening programs can help but they are not infallible. Now anyone of any age with access to the Internet can hit a few buttons and be inundated by the filth of some stranger's sick imagination.
Then there is the spam porn that comes to our e-mail inboxes. Just about every day at work I turn on my computer and find awaiting pornographic site. Apparently there is a cyberwar going on between those who send this junk and those who attempt to block it, but, at least where I am, we appear to be losing the blocking war.
I once listened to a radio interview with a man who makes his living sending tens of millions of these spam e-mails every day. He seemed to be perfectly content with his line of work, even believing he provided a valuable service that strengthened the American economy and our Way of Life.
This just goes to show that the human capacity to rationalize any behaviour whatsoever continues unabated.
Porn at the click of a button and porn without even having to click a button are both having their inevitable effect — porn use is rising. Pornography in America is a multibillion-dollar industry, with sales larger than the combined revenues of professional baseball, football and basketball.
Some may consider porn use an insignificant matter of personal preference. Others may object to any further regulation as a violation of the free market or free speech. A reader or two may even think that there are far more important things to worry about in a world like this.
Perhaps they forget that pornography is abusive to those depicted in it. Or that porn promotes aberrant sexual behaviour. Or that children exposed to porn exhibit sexual tendencies too early and often of an aberrant nature. Or that porn dollars tend to fund other, criminal activities. Or that Internet porn, especially, has an addictive quality.
But the crowning argument against pornography is the damage it does to relationships with loved ones. That is what motivates this particular column. The reason I highlight pornography here is because I keep running into it as a pastor. I keep encountering couples whose marriages have been shaken by the husband's secret — and, inevitably, discovered — use of pornography.
To every husband who is currently using porn and has not yet been discovered, here is some version of what awaits you when your wife finds out:
She will say to herself: "What's wrong with me that he has to do that? Do I not satisfy him? How can I compete with these airbrushed, perfect model types?"
Then she will say to you: "How long have you been doing this? You have been deceiving me about this, what else have you been deceiving me about? How can I trust you about anything? Have our children discovered this trash? How can we tell them not to look at it if you do?"
And then finally: "I am revolted by this, and by you. Do you want computer images of women instead of me? Fine. We can do that. It will be a long, long time until I want to be anywhere near you."
So — looking for the perfect Christmas present? How about giving up pornography?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Gushee is an associate professor of moral philosophy at Union University in Jackson, Tenn.
DAVID GUSHEE
Men, looking for the perfect Christmas present? How about giving up pornography? It's the best present you could give your wife this year.
Pornography is a cancer, spreading rapidly due to new technology and its unscrupulous application.
Many of us men grew up in the day when a certain boldness was required to get your hands on pornography. One actually had to go up to the counter of a store and ask for a magazine from the man (or woman!) behind that counter. Especially in smaller communities there was no anonymity. The cashier might actually know you or your parents. Shame and embarrassment were still a factor — in my view, a saving factor.
Today the Internet has changed the whole context of porn use. Any home wired to the Internet is a home without walls. Internet screening programs can help but they are not infallible. Now anyone of any age with access to the Internet can hit a few buttons and be inundated by the filth of some stranger's sick imagination.
Then there is the spam porn that comes to our e-mail inboxes. Just about every day at work I turn on my computer and find awaiting pornographic site. Apparently there is a cyberwar going on between those who send this junk and those who attempt to block it, but, at least where I am, we appear to be losing the blocking war.
I once listened to a radio interview with a man who makes his living sending tens of millions of these spam e-mails every day. He seemed to be perfectly content with his line of work, even believing he provided a valuable service that strengthened the American economy and our Way of Life.
This just goes to show that the human capacity to rationalize any behaviour whatsoever continues unabated.
Porn at the click of a button and porn without even having to click a button are both having their inevitable effect — porn use is rising. Pornography in America is a multibillion-dollar industry, with sales larger than the combined revenues of professional baseball, football and basketball.
Some may consider porn use an insignificant matter of personal preference. Others may object to any further regulation as a violation of the free market or free speech. A reader or two may even think that there are far more important things to worry about in a world like this.
Perhaps they forget that pornography is abusive to those depicted in it. Or that porn promotes aberrant sexual behaviour. Or that children exposed to porn exhibit sexual tendencies too early and often of an aberrant nature. Or that porn dollars tend to fund other, criminal activities. Or that Internet porn, especially, has an addictive quality.
But the crowning argument against pornography is the damage it does to relationships with loved ones. That is what motivates this particular column. The reason I highlight pornography here is because I keep running into it as a pastor. I keep encountering couples whose marriages have been shaken by the husband's secret — and, inevitably, discovered — use of pornography.
To every husband who is currently using porn and has not yet been discovered, here is some version of what awaits you when your wife finds out:
She will say to herself: "What's wrong with me that he has to do that? Do I not satisfy him? How can I compete with these airbrushed, perfect model types?"
Then she will say to you: "How long have you been doing this? You have been deceiving me about this, what else have you been deceiving me about? How can I trust you about anything? Have our children discovered this trash? How can we tell them not to look at it if you do?"
And then finally: "I am revolted by this, and by you. Do you want computer images of women instead of me? Fine. We can do that. It will be a long, long time until I want to be anywhere near you."
So — looking for the perfect Christmas present? How about giving up pornography?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David Gushee is an associate professor of moral philosophy at Union University in Jackson, Tenn.